I've Got Vices

Divisions

2010-02-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 1.10-13

I appeal to you brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe's people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, "I follow Paul," or "I follow Apollos," or "I follow Cephas," or "I follow Christ." Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?

Brothers and Sisters,

We of the Christian faith have for entirely too long put up walls of hostility and hatred for one another based upon names, systematic theologies, practices, and most of all pride. Let us not create these walls, these false dichotomies. Please do not misunderstand what I am saying, there will be disagreements among us. There are 2000 years of time, culture, language separating us from the orignal texts of the New Testament. While there will be disagreements among us, let never create divisions amongst ourselves over things that are not as important as unity.

Great Gifts

2009-09-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

God is good. He has blessed all with much. More than we deserve. I was reading in Acts today, and this is what I read (its actually Peter quoting Joel 2.28-29):
that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh;
your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
your old men shall dream dreams,
and your young men shall see visions.
²⁹ Even on the male and female servants
in those days I will pour out my Spirit.

What a blessing this is. Knowing that God will pour out his Spirit on my lowly, sinful but redeemed flesh. He not only forgives my sin, but gives me great gifts, I will prophesy, and dream dreams and see visions. Even the lowly people of society, if they turn to Christ, will be blessed with these things.
Lord, I thank you for the gifts you have given believers, may you help us to use them wisely. You are the giver of wisdom and all things good, may we bring glory to your name through them.

Waste of time or time of relaxation?

2009-06-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been evaluating the things that I spend my time on. They are numerous, but surprisingly I spend most of my time doing a few of these activities, and not very much time on a majority of them. Honestly, what I have found upsets me, and desperately needs to change. First lets start by listing the main few things that I spend my time doing.
1. Work - Since the summer has started, I took a job on campus working for the Office of Conferences and Events, same as last summer. I seem to be getting many more hours this year though. It is keeping me busy, and this is something that I need during this season of grief. I would definitely say that work at CBU is what I spend the majority of my time doing. But because of that it has led to increased fatigue, which of course leads to me not wanting to do much socially, physically, or mentally. Which is a serious problem.
2. Spending Time With Family/Sarah - Chances are if I am not at work, I am at home enjoying the company of Sarah, my mother, or my brother. My mom and I have spent more time talking in these past few months than we have in most of my life combined. These have been hard conversations, but they always are helpful, at least to me, and I have enjoyed them very much. I also have been spending more time with Josh, whether it be going to play mini-golf, or playing NHL '08 on my 360. However, Sarah gets a lot of my time just talking, watching movies, going to eat or to Disneyland. We see each other for longer times, because neither of us are in school, and it seems that many of our friends have gone home for the summer.
3. Ministry - I still work with middle schoolers at MABC, and I love it. In fact tomorrow we leave for our 5 day summer camp in San Diego. It will be a blast, and I am looking forward to connecting with the guys that are in my small group. This is another area in which Sarah and I spend time together, as we are both involved in The Refinery.
4. Scholarly Pursuits - These have been seriously lacking lately. The Lord has blessed me with a curious temperament, but lately anytime I have sat down with any book of any significance, my mind wanders, and when I am able to stay focused I have a hard time understanding deeper concepts that I am reading about. This MUST change. I must never cease to try to understand my Father, His thoughts, or His word. If I cease to try, I might as well cease to be.
5. Video Games - These have been and continue to be my Achilles heel of time management. While they are a great stress relief for me, I have a hard time knowing when it is time to put down the controller and pick up a book.
6. Musical Endeavors - These also have been seriously lacking lately. The Lord has also blessed me with a musical mind, but I have seriously neglected that. I used an excuse to not play music. Because Ryan moved away, I didn't ever feel like playing music. Instead of properly dealing with my feelings of grief over Ryan moving, I just gave up music. But the good news is that this is starting to pick up. While I am rusty as heck, and all my guitars need new strings, and my amp probably needs a re-tubing, I am finally making some music. Dylan Hake and I have started writing, just for the sake of doing something that we love, I do not plan on making any money, nor do I have high expectations that we will ever even play any shows, but I am writing again, and it is a relief to my spirit. Lack of creativity over the past year, I think, has driven me slightly insane. So I am slowly regaining my musical prowess as I shake off the dust, and begin writing again.
I would say that these are the main six things that my time gets spent doing. There are things that should be included in this list that aren't. And there are things that are in this list that need to go down, by how much time I spend doing them. The lesson here being, time management is not something that you just have. It is something that you must force upon yourself, it takes some self sacrifice, and getting rid of some things that you would really like to hold on too. For example, I know that I need to make more of an effort to spend more time with my friends, and with the Lord. I have been craving intimate friendship, and intimacy with God, but I don't have it because of my laziness. Now I am feeling the effects of that laziness, especially when it comes to my relationship with Christ. I am slowly but surely getting back into the saddle of maintaining a steady, constant and firm relationship with Christ. If you take anything away from this, please learn to manage your time now, rather than later, save yourself some pain, and irritation.

It's a summer reading event!!!

2009-05-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

I have decided that this summer will the summer of philosophers. I have already started. Presently I am reading Abolition of Man by Lewis and although I know it isn't exactly philosophy he hung out with philosophers and did some himself so I am re-reading The Lord of the Rings trilogy by Tolkien as well as The Hobbit and The Silmarillion. Call me a nerd if you will, but I enjoy Tolkien. Join in with me for this summer of philosophy, and we can discuss it all. I will doing some reviews and such on here as I go, so look forward to those.
-Chris

Arizona Video

2009-03-23T19:54:00.000-07:00

I promised a video and here it is. Hope you enjoy it. The reflectional post still to come!

-Chris

Arizona Update

2009-03-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

Instead of boring and wasting all your guys valuable time, I have decided that I am only going to do two post about this particular trip to AZ. One will be simply a video/slide show of stuff that I did and saw, and the other will be the reflections that I will have made by the time I get home. It seems whenever I come out here it gets my brain going pretty fast, and makes me wonder things, so I will post some conclusions when I come to them. Hope you are all well, and are looking forward to these posts.
-Chris

Home, home on the range

2009-03-12T12:52:00.001-07:00

I am gonna go make my annual trip to AZ next week. Hopefully will get to experience all the things that I would like too: Phoenix Coyotes home game, a show at The Living Room, some Brooklyn Pizza, plenty of Eeggees,and most of all getting to see some great old friends. I will be posting regularly from my true home state.
-Chris

Evangelization Effectiveness

2009-01-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been wondering about the effectiveness of spreading the Gospel through "Christian" bands. You see I know now that the Gospel is relational. It is something that must been seen as well as explained. I have a hard time believing that someone could come to a genuine saving faith in Jesus Christ after hearing a 30 minute set from a band, that then gave a three minute explanation that all you have to do is "ask Jesus in to your heart." There are several reasons for this. First, there is no accountability afterward. These people come forward, raise their hand, walk the aisle (or whatever) saying that they said some words, and then we send them on their merry way never to be seen or heard from again. Accepting Christ is the first step in a process. I think the problem is that in the American Church we have changed the "in the now and not yet" part of salvation, into a one time transaction. We say a prayer, get our fire insurance, then live the life that we want anyway. DISCIPLESHIP NEVER TAKES PLACE! In order to TRULY understand salvation in Christ we must be mentored, taught, held accountable, and grow in faith. If we don't do this, then we do not have a genuine faith, but something that is hollow and meaningless. We said some words that don't seem to make sense, to a being that we don't even understand, so that we could be saved from the torment of hell. (Clarifying note: We will never fully understand God, but I think to genuinely understand salvation you must have some understanding of who He is.) In light of this, I do not see how this could be truly effective means by which we spread the Gospel. Granted, that these bands are "planting" seeds, but I have to believe that we could put more time and effort into planting seeds that are going to be more fruitful, and have more likelihood of sprouting. I am not blasting Christian bands in general, or anyone that was converted at a Christian concert, because I am sure that it can and has happened. All that I am saying that there must be a more effective way of doing this. I have some ideas rolling around in my head, but I want to hear some other opinions first. Do you have any ideas?

A Case of Mistaken Identity

2008-11-24T14:49:00.000-08:00

Today I was slightly bored, so I decided to go to the mall just check some stuff out. I was hoping for a t-shirt, or perhaps a Converge album. Unfortunately I found neither, that I could afford, or didn't have already. On the way home I stopped at my local record store, Pops. Bummer again, the only Converge album they had was 15 bones, and I am poor. So I was rummaging through the used section, and found Glasseater - "Everything is Beautiful When You Don't Look Down" for 7 bucks. I picked it up, and as soon as I got in my car stuck it into my CD player. I very quickly discovered that I mistook Glasseater for Glassjaw. Bummer City. Anyways, Glasseater is not my favorite band in the world, they are a bit emo rock for me. Glassjaw however is rad sauce. Anyways, check out Pops. They are a rad little store, kinda struggling right now, so if you live in Riverside check 'em out. They are on Magnolia right next Van Buren, right across from Olivia's.
-Chris

Javallujah!

2008-11-19T13:34:00.000-08:00

Interesting idea. Can be so true of the American Church. I got this from Mike Lovato's blog.
-Chris

Water...

2008-11-18T19:21:00.000-08:00

Find out more here.
Even if you don't have the same faith as me don't you think this is a worthwhile cause? Less that 1/4 of what we spend on ourselves every year, could save millions of lives.
-Chris

Video

2008-11-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, I went to the midnight release of World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King on Wednesday. Before I left for Gamestop I imagined that there would be 20-30 people and it would be laid back and just a good time. It was still a good time, but when we (My roommate, a friend of his, and me) arrived, the line was over 100 people long. When I got all the way through the line, it was just as long as it had been when I got in it, if not longer. I had a video to show you, but while I was passing by, someone uttered some curse words fairly loudly. I thought it would be inappropriate for me to show a video of someone yelling the f-word. Anyways, I just thought it was amazing that probably 300 people showed up to one video game store, just to buy a game. Ridiculous.
-Chris

The Catacombs

2008-11-14T13:54:00.000-08:00

Anyone familiar with CBU lore is aware that a mental-health institution used to be on the grounds before it was a university. Let me make clear that this is all hear-say, I have no idea how much is actually true except for the fact that there are catacombs. During that time the said institution built underground catacombs under the campus so that they could transfer patients from one building to another with less risk of them escaping. It is a CBU student ideal to get into the catacombs. There are several entrances to these catacombs. Unfortunately the CBU staff is aware of this, and have made it very difficult for us (putting cameras over the entrances, locking doors, threatening signs over entrances), and probably with good reason. But all the same it just makes us want it more. Very very very few will ever see them, much less get in. Today, I saw. I even took a picture to share with you all. For some mesmerizing reason, the one entrance that everyone knows about (the basement of the James Building) was standing wide open. As much of me wanted to just run inside, and go exploring, I figured if the door is open, then there is someone in there. So instead I found it enough to take a picture to share with you all.
I know it is a terrible picture, but all I had was my cell phone. Those who have wondered what was beyond that door, here you go.
-Chris

WOTLK

2008-11-12T22:06:00.000-08:00

So tonight I am going to my local Gamestop and picking up World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King. It comes out at midnight tonight. Does that make me a nerd? Absolutely. Do I even care? Not at all. I enjoy the game. So I have a late night tonight.
-Chris

Broken..

2008-11-11T23:15:00.001-08:00

I broke 1000 hits today. Yippee skippee.
-Chris

CD Review #2: Shiny Toy Guns - "Season of Poison"

2008-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have done one of these. If you recall my first review was of The Sounds of Animals Fighting, now on to Shiny Toy Guns (STG). If you don't know these guys they are a synthy, popy, rocky, type music that reminds me of The Bravery with a darker tinge. Also they have a female lead singer which is nice to see. I enjoy a good girl singer. The male vocals are great as well, and the singer sounds like someone to me, but I cannot put my finger on it. I have gone through my entire iTunes library, looked it up on Wikipedia, Googled it, but cannot figure out who he sounds like. If you figure it out lemme know cause its driving me up the wall. The greatest thing about this CD is that it flows seamlessly. Another great example of a good flowing album is Showbread's "No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical". That is something that makes happy is when songs transition smoothly rather than just being the end of a song, and the beginning of another (Sometimes that is the best transition, but it certainly is not the best EVERY time.)
I bought this CD a few days ago hoping for what exactly I got (mostly). STG have put out a quality record. Not every song on there is a keeper but they have some genuinely good songs that are really catchy. The album kicks of with the upbeat "When Did This Storm Begin" this is a great song save for the fact that the female singer attempts to rap/yell and it doesn't turn out so awesome. (Also the f-bomb gets dropped once, but it is the only curse word I have heard on the album). They then go into "Money For That" which is an awesome song that has been stuck in my head since I bought the album. The next song is "I Owe You A Love Song" which is a great little love diddy. After that is the dreadful "Ghost Town". It is a great sing along song, but it has little musical value to me. I see this song being extremely popular with high school/junior high girls. After this song is my favorite song "It Became A Lie On You" it a great slow song. It has dark piano, guitar, and synth lines. It has great dynamics and I am excited every time this song comes up on my iTunes or on my radio in the car. The next song is the single off the album "Ricochet!". It somewhat reminds me of The Faint or a not-quite-so dreary NIN song. Super digital, and sure to be a hit. The rest of the album is great, but I don't want to ruin it all for you. If your interest has been piqued by this quasai-review go give it a listen.
I give it four Half Used Q-tips out of five.

Putting Words In My Mouth

2008-11-10T21:27:00.001-08:00

Isn't amazing that someone voices their opinion, but they are then called bigoted, racist, idiots. They cast judgment upon people for "casting judgment". It is amazing to me how people are so divisive over opinions. I firmly and totally believe and know that no matter what happens the world is in the will of God. Romans 12 speaks as to how the Father has pre-ordained every leader of the world. This is includes Senator/President-elect Obama. Do I agree with everything that Senator/President-elect Obama is going to do? NO! Do I still think that Christ is in control? ABSOLUTELY!
In all honesty, I am so very tired of being called a bigot. I love people. I genuinely believe that God has a purpose for every human being. I am tired of being called an idiot because I have a different opinion. I am tired of being stupid because I am against abortion. I am tired of being hounded because of my beliefs. At the same time, what does the Bible say? "Do not be surprised if the world hates you?"
Lord, help me to be patient through people hating me because I believe what you say.
Please, readers, do not hate me for my beliefs. I will not hate you for yours. I might think you are wrong. But unless we have a fairly good relationship I will not even tell you that I disagree unless you ask me. God Bless.
-Chris

I am fighting tears because of this...

2008-11-05T11:09:00.001-08:00

God Be With Us.
Pray for our nation folks.
-Chris

New Scene

2008-10-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

I have really been into this new scene of music lately. It kinda has a punkish feel, but has some thrash roots, and has some old school hardcore in it. Bands like Blues, Civilian, The Jonbenét, Touche Amore. Just some great stuff that has some great rock influences, but it is just a great scene. Everyone knows the words, and just has a good time at the shows, there is no dancing, or huge fights, or egos. You can go to shows, just have a good time without worrying about making some jerk mad at you and getting punched in the face. Went to a show on Friday and just had a awesome time rockin out singin along to Polar Bear Club. So much fun... You into hardcore, but sick of the scene give one these guys a listen for sure.
-Chris

Coulda Shoulda Woulda....

2008-10-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

I should have prefaced my last blog with the statement that I am just trying to follow the Bible. And according to 1 Timothy 2 women should not be preachers. I totally think that women are capable at everything men are able to do, but Paul just said they aren't allowed to preach. I shoulda prefaced my last blog with that sorry folks... Another controversial one to come soon. Promise it'll be good.
-Chris

Hope or no?

2008-10-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

I have spent some time today reading up on the two presidential candidates (all following info is from their own websites), because honestly I didn't know a whole lot about either of them. I learned some interesting things about both, that I did not before.
Obama seems to have some good things to say about reform of government and the IRS. I also highly agree with his immigration reform plan. Something that worries me though is the $50 billion he promises to stimulate the economy. He wants to lower taxes for the every day person, but raise taxes for people and companies who are wealthier. I am unsure of where he plans to get this $50 billion. I do not think that raising taxes for the wealthy will equal that which was lost in the lowering of taxes for lower class. (I should preface this entire blog with the statement that I do not necessarily oppose raising taxes, depending on what they are going to be used for.) Secondly, he is highly pro-choice, and he is for stem cell research. Thirdly, he is for equal opportunity employment no matter sexual orientation/gender. This frightens me for churches. Do I believe that these people can be in the church? Absolutely. Women I really think can be anything but head pastors. I also believe that someone can struggle with homosexuality and be a christian. I believe God holds all sin to be equal. Homosexuality is sin in my opinion, but this does not mean that we should treat them like lepers. We need to treat them like everyone else that has a habitual problem with sin. We must confront them, bring more people to confront them, and then bring it before the church if they are unrepentant. It is always striking to me that we allow former drug-addicts, wife beaters, fornicators into the church with open arms, but we do NOTHING to reconcile men and women who struggle with homosexuality. All of this to say, that a homosexual (Who doesn't even necessarily want to be a pastor, but just wants to cause problems) gets turned away from a job interview because the church believes this person to be living in sin and is unfit to lead the church, will decide to sue. I fear for this. Homosexuals will not see that a church would not hire a person that was living in any other sin either, they will just be angry and look for monetary reconciliation.
McCain I did not do as much reading about, but did do some. I also like his immigration reform plan, as well as some of his ideas for energy reform. I am not the hugest fan of his views on the 2nd Amendment. I am not for gun control in the sense of no one should have guns, but I do not like the idea that someone can get a hold of a gun that could take down a helicopter. It is just not necessary. I don't care how big of an animal you are hunting, you don't need Barret .50cal Rifle. You just don't.
All of this to say.... I STILL have no idea who I am going to vote for....
-Chris

Transperency Is Liberating

2008-10-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

So lately I have been seeing myself for who I truly am. I see myself as slothful, boring, I take advantage of situations/people. And this through all of this I seemed to have a epiphany. Earlier in this week in class we were going over the verses in James that say that not many ought be teachers because they are held to a higher account, and I thought "How is this reflecting in my life? How am I trying to be different than the every day schmo that follows Christ?" I came to the answer that I was not doing a whole lot more than just the fact that I was teaching. Granted, every person should try to follow Christ to the fullest extent of the commands of him, but according to James, leaders are almost going to be judged twice. Wow. This scared the crap out of me. I realized that I truly truly truly need to make more of an effort in every aspect of my life. For example, I have a roommate that I have not been getting along with. In fact today was the first time we had spoken in a month. How would I react if one of my students said that to me? (Granted middle schoolers don't have roommates they have families, but still) Anyways, today was the first time in a month that myself and said roommate talked. And the words were not pleasant.... at first. After which he stormed out of the apartment, and I realized how idiotic we were both being, and how it was making the entire household uncomfortable. At that point, I just prayed "God show me how to make peace with this guy?" And he did and I did it, and after that he gave a little, to make peace as well. We were able to have a decent conversation, and shake hands afterward. So I see now, that God will work things out in life, even the small, but you have to be willing to stretch yourself, and be willing to admit that you are wrong to be able to grow.
-Chris

Sorry for not updating recently...

2008-09-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

I have not updated in a while. Figure something should come out of this thing.
Recently I have been horribly addicted to eBay. Everything I have really needed (and haven't needed immediately) I have been buying on there. Clothes, electronics, CD's anything and everything. The only problem is that I am constantly checking my mail box several times a day hoping that my products came in the mail. I am sure that the people at the university PO box place are sick of me coming every day getting a package from them. I love getting things for cheap, if you have not tried eBay yet, you should cause it is amazing.
-Chris

What You Put Into It

2008-09-06T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today I was in a wedding for the first time (I wasn't getting married, but was a groomsman). It was quite an ordeal. But not a bad one. I feel bad now, because I was not especially looking forward to being in it for several reasons. (Cost of the tux, problems with people in the wedding etc.) but it turned out being a huge blessing in many ways. I was starting to disconnect with some friends of mine that were in the wedding. There is one main reason for this. I felt out of place, not because of anything that they had done or said, but because I am, for lack of a better phrase, as douche bag. You see I have become friends with four people over the past year or so, and as it is in many groups there seem to be pairs of people that are closer with each other than with the rest of the group. Well the one that I was close to moved away. That bummed me out big time, he is my best friend, and it has been a long time since I have had a friend like him. So instead of dealing with my problem in a healthy way, I decided to cut myself off from the people that were my friends, simply because I felt like the third wheel. Not that there is anything to dislike about these people, there are plenty of things that I love about them, but I just didn't feel like being a part of that group of people anymore. So today, I really just had a chance to reconnect with them, even though two of them were getting married. This has made me realize that even when I feel irritated, sometimes I am looking for a reason to be irritated. It was easier for me to be unhappy, and uncomfortable rather than just deal with the issue at hand. So I cut myself off emotionally. This has left me with a novelization that I need to invest more into relationships even when they are hard. It is so easy for me to just sit in my room and play Call of Duty, or WOW, or browse the internet. But investing in people is harder because it takes effort, time, and emotion. Plus the fact that you are dealing with people that will let you down. After the wedding, several people including the bride, and the brides mother told me that they (They being the group of people that I am speaking of) were blessed to have me as a friend. After that point, I somewhat felt like crap. It was so easy for me to just be a jerk, and not invest time and effort into these people because it was hard for me at the time. I need to realize that the more I invest in relationships, with quality time, not being a jerk, and being honest, the more the relationships will grow and be beneficial, even though they are hard. This is so simple why did it take me so long to figure out?
-Chris

New Freshman

2008-08-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

The new freshman moved on campus yesterday. And if you are unfamiliar with CBU's orientation, it includes the families of the new freshman for the first two days. These some 3000 people have a time frame in which they have to eat, so suffice it to say the caf was crowded. VERY crowded, lemme show you the line.

Seriously? I didn't even eat today.
-Chris

A Few Things...

2008-08-26T12:19:00.001-07:00

1) Come follow me on Twitter, if you make one I will follow you.
2) I am very very very ready for school to start. It is going to be a good year.
I am taking: Theology of James, History of Baptist Thought, Advanced Biblical Preaching, Golf, Self-defense, and my supervised ministry. I just went and got my books, should not be to heavy on the reading this year, but will be full of other things I am sure.
3) Back to School BBQ on Wednesday for The Refinery and The Journey. Should be a blast, if you are a middle schooler or high schooler come to Mag toomorrow at 6 for free food, then the usual Wednesday night program. Bring a friend.
-Chris

Big Lots

2008-08-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

Today I discovered the beauty of Big Lots. It was my first time stepping into this wonderful place. For a mere 35 dollars I got some computer speakers, a 25 foot AV cable (so I can now watch live TV in my new upstairs room), a 15 foot ethernet cable, and three movies (Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, The Squid and the Whale, and Kung Fu Hustle. I have not seen the latter too.) It was amazing. I fully recommend this store if you have never been.
-Chris

Bible in a Minute

2008-08-14T00:08:00.000-07:00

When I saw the headline for this on myspace, I thought it was going to be horribly sacrilegious, but its not. While I watched this I thought of Dr. Mooney because in his class we had to write a meta-narrative of Genesis through 2 Samuel in ten minutes, and in a way that a 6 year old could understand it. Enjoy.
Bible In A Minute

New Phone

2008-08-12T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just got a new phone. It is pretty rad. Any phone I can update my blog with is pretty rad in my book.
-Chris

Paradox

2008-08-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me, know that I am not a sports guy. I think most professional athletes are spoiled jerks. I don't watch any sports really, except for hockey. I am a sucker for hockey. That being said, I am addicted to the Olympics right now. I have no idea why. I am not especially patriotic so I don't care if we win any medals, but I cannot get enough of the games. It's only been two days, but I have been glued to my TV watching the entire time. I love the Olympics.
-Chris

What's In My Recently Played File?

2008-07-24T21:23:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to a lot of music lately. A lot. So here's what is in my recently played file.

1. Training for Utopia - Throwing a Wrench in the American Music Machine, and Falling Cycle EP

These guys are two of my favorites from when I was growing up. When I was in middle school my youth pastor showed me some Christian Hardcore. These guys being one of the first, they are naturally one of my favorite bands. They were ridiculously ahead of their time with all three of their albums. Throwing a Wrench.... and Falling Cycle are two very different albums, but both are amazing in their own way. Falling Cycle was their first release with Solid State Records, and was a very raw just heavy album. And I LOVE it. Throwing a Wrench.... is still raw and heavy, but they have mixed in an industrial edge that was not there for the first two albums. Fun fact about these guys: They got tired of not making any money with good music, so they asked themselves, "What would sell in a Christian market?" The answer: Cheeziness. Thus, Demon Hunter was born. Lord, I miss these guys.

2. Origin - Antithesis

What do you get when you have a bunch of classically trained musicians who want to play metal, and destroy the universe? Origin is what you get. So ridiculously fast. Next time you are in the mood for some death metal/grind check these guys out. So fast.

3. Dustin Kensrue - Please Come Home

If any of you are music buffs, you will know that Dustin Kensrue is the lead singer for Thrice. A while back he decided to come out with a folk side project. What came out was one of the best albums I have heard in a long time. He just knows how to hit the core of me with his lyrics, plus I dig the Johnny Cash style music.

4. Circa Survive - Juturna

Love these guys. I really like their other album, "On Letting Go", better, but this was the only one I had in my car while driving to AZ. So I listening to it. It's a great album. I really dig their originality in every part of their music, plus I really like Anthony Green's unique vocals.

5. As Cities Burn - Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest

These guys are an amazing band. They just have so much passion. You can really feel it in the way he writes his lyrics, but then it transfers over to the music as well. But there really is no way around it, if the lyrics weren't as good as they are, this album would still be good, but nowhere near as good.

That will complete it for this installment of "What's In My Recently Played File?" Hope you guys will check a few of these bands out, if you haven't already.
-Chris

Early Bird Gets To Go Back To Bed

2008-07-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

So I had work today at 6:45 in the morning. I know, I know ridiculous right? Well I get myself up before any one person should be up, drag myself to work, look at the schedule, and find out that they changed my work time from 6:45 to 8. So I got up and hour and fifteen minutes early. Not only that, I found out that they didn't call me cause my roommate said he would tell me. Guess what he didn't tell me. Evil.

Eegee's!

2008-07-22T01:05:00.000-07:00

One thing that miss terribly from AZ is Eegee's. In fact one of the first things I did when I was there was go get visit the closest location. It is a fast food place that serves subs. But the subs are not what I miss. I miss the slushes. They are absolutely amazing. Imagine a really thick Icee with chunks of fruit in them. OH MY GOODNESS! So tasty. If there were things that I could live on for the rest of my life they would be: Animal Style fries from In 'n' Out, Manicotti, Steak, and Strawberry Eegees. Seriously. They are that amazing. They are only a Tucson chain, so if you are ever in Tucson, check them out. They are amazing.
-Chris

Arizona Update #2

2008-07-22T00:50:00.000-07:00

There is only one reason I went to AZ, and that was to visit people. (Why else would I go to Tucson?) So while I was there I made a genuine effort to spend as much time as I could with my friends that I hadn't seen in a while. In my last post I talked about how I was staying with Jimmy.

So that is what Jimmy looks like. He's a great friend and I wish the best for him.
Saturday night, I was able to catch up and have coffee with my friend Steph.

(Isn't that the most forced smile you have ever seen?)
We had a nice long chat in a rad little coffee/hookah shop. It was awesome catch up with her. It was interesting because she started dating another friend of mine that has moved to Georgia, and I never got to hear the story about how they started dating, so I got to hear that tale.
Today I was able to catch up with Serena, Natalie, and Ashley.

(Left to right: Natalie, Ashley, myself, and Serena)
We got to just chill in the food court of the mall that I used wreak havoc at. So that brought back old memories as well as being cool catching up with these ladies. Overall it was a great trip and was happy to have done it, and am looking forward to the time when all these people will come visit me in CA. (Hint, Hint guys)
-Chris

AZ Update #1

2008-07-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

So today, Saturday, being my first day in Arizona, I figured I would give you guys an update. I got in last night around 7:30ish and stood around in Jimmy's apartment complex parking lot, because I couldn't find his apartment, and he could hear his phone cause it had fallen into the couch cracks. So when I finally got in, we watched Cops. (I know, I am not a fan either but what Jimmy showed me was pretty funny.) After a while Jimmy and I hopped on WOW and played some.... Well not just some, alot. After which we watched several Tivo'ed episodes of The Conan O'brien Show. Then we went to bed it was around 4:30 I believe. I woke around noon, and Jimmy did soon after. Then we played some more WOW. That is really how we spend our afternoon. After which we went downtown to 4th Ave to place called The Living Room where several bands were playing.

The Living Room is tiny little local venue, where really only local bands played, it was the size of my apartment really. Besides being really loud, I liked it alot. I just generally think the music scene around here is way better than in CA. No one here gets upset because the songs don't have breakdowns, or because it wasn't "brutal" and I love it. Not only that, no one here will threaten to "kick your a**" for accidentally looking at them funny.
When we got there we met several friends there, Adam, Cale and Rob (Cale and Rob I have not seen since I moved). We stood outside for a while and shot the breeze to catch up. Soon after that Blues went on. Blues is a great great band from Tucson. Very original, almost southern but they definitely make it their own. You should check them out on Myspace for sure.
After them Cyrus Fell Down came on. They were FANTASTIC. They were a weird mix of like punk, but thrashy and and indie at the same time. They had a very original sound, not only that they pulled it off excellently, were very entertaining to watch, and their bass player was phenomenal. Definitely give them a listen if you can. I don't know if they are on Myspace or not, but you should check they were so good.
After Cyrus Fell Down played, we all decided to hit up Brooklyn Pizza. It was some of the better pizza I have had in my life. My first time around I had a slice of Ham and Pineapple. Then I had a slice of Meatball. Great pizza. I paid for myself and Jimmy, and it end up being only 11 bones. So it was really inexpensive as well. If you are ever in Tucson and somewhere near 4th Ave. give them a try for sure.
While we were at the show it started to rain pretty hard. I had a picture that I wanted to put in here but I will save that one for a later post. If you know anything about Arizona it is famous for its Monsoon Season. From June 15th till Sept. you are likely to see HEAVY rain at least once every two weeks, and more realistically several times. But anyways, the heavy rain and lightning had kicked in. We were driving home and we could barely see out of the windshield. I really miss the rain and lightning, it's really great to sit in a second story window and just watch.
When we got back to Jimmy's apartment complex, it was raining harder than ever so before running like heck to his apartment I tied some plastic bads around my shoes, cause my shoes are just made of canvas, so they would have been absolutely soaked, but yeah managed to get to Jimmy's room with dry feet. If you are every in a pinch and need to keep your feet dry, this seemed to work well.

So that is it for now. I will post again tomorrow, I may not have pictures though. My camera is acting funny. 'Till Then.
-Chris

Attack Cat Gorge

2008-07-19T18:05:00.000-07:00

This is George. He is the cat that lives in the apartment I am staying at in Arizona. He is a funny cat. He runs around like a speed freak and even when you are petting him he is acting like he is hyped up on PCP. Another funny thing about George is that he likes to bite. I mean he REALLY likes to bite. He snuck up on me while I was sleeping last night and bit my nose. Even when you are petting him and he's purring like he likes you all of the sudden his teeth are digging into your skin like an alcoholic with no hands trying to get the cap off his beer. Weird effin cat.
-Chris

Arizona

2008-07-18T11:26:00.000-07:00

I am leaving today to go visit some friends in Tucson Arizona. I will spend the next five days eating alot of fast food, catching up with people that I have not seen since December of '06, playing WOW, watching horror movies, and evidently am going to the Grand Canyon (not sure if it will actually happen). Please keep me in your prayers as I have to drive 430 miles by myself without cruise control (so my feet are gonna be tired haha). But yes this will be great trip I am thinking. I will most definitely have a picture post when I get back. In the mean time you should check out my new band, The Curse Has A Name. We only have one song up as of now, I am hoping that will change soon though. 'Till then.
-Chris

Goose Tossing

2008-07-18T11:15:00.000-07:00

I’ve been trying something new lately and it’s really put a new spin on how I go through my days. Instead of waking up ten minutes before work and wiping myself down with a damp paper towel, I’ve been waking up really early and going for walks all over town. You’d be amazed at how quiet this place is without people in it. I haven’t felt this peaceful in years.

I went over to Fairmount Park the other day at around 4am and even the geese were still asleep when I got there. I couldn’t believe my luck. It’s been a dream of mine for years to see how far I could throw a goose and this was the perfect opportunity. I’ve definitely learned that you’ve got to strike fast when dealing with sleeping animals because the element of surprise is your biggest weapon. That old wives’ tale about letting sleeping dogs lie only applies if you don’t have a plan for after you wake up the dog. With geese, it’s the same story. You wake up a goose just for the fun of it, you’ll get pecked like no tomorrow. Their beaks are painful, man. You don’t want to find out first hand.

When I saw those geese getting some shuteye, I knew exactly what to do. I picked out one that looked like it might be lighter than some of the other ones. [Side note: Can we stop feeding the geese so many friggin breadcrumbs? They’re plenty fat as it is.] I decided to name it “Tosserton,” because it seemed appropriate at the time and I find that I can throw things farther if they have a name. When I was sure that Tosserton was definitely asleep and not faking it, I picked out my landing zone and went in for the throw.

Goose tossing is a hard art to master and with no means to practice, I had to rely on what it looked like in my dreams. So I got a running start, went full steam ahead, picked up Tosserton and threw him (her?) hammer-toss style as far as I could, spinning my body to get maximum torque. I was pretty freaked out about how flexible her (his?) neck was, but it ended up helping me get more distance than I would have otherwise. I’d say I got a good forty feet, which is shorter than I predicted, but still a pretty admirable toss in my opinion.

You should have heard Tosserton honking in the air. He (she?) righted herself (himself?) right before hitting the ground and ended up just gliding to safety, so I didn’t have to feel bad about hurting Tosserton. After the goose landing, I was overcome with an enormous sense of completion. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life.

I will say this: I don’t recommend goose-tossing to anyone unless you’ve had a steady series of dreams over the last twenty years about it. If you don’t have the instincts bred into you subconsciously, then you won’t be ready to do it. Leave the goose-tossing to the professionals, people. Don’t try it at home.

Old School! pt. 2

2008-06-24T14:23:00.001-07:00

With a gift card that friends gave me for my birthday I bought The Sword in the Stone. That movie soooo funny. Merlin and Archimedes. Hilarious. Marvelous Mad Madame Mim is funny too. If you have never had occasion to watch this classic Disney flick you should most definitely check it out.
-Chris

Old School!

2008-06-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

I got a iTunes giftcard from Mike and Nicole for my birthday. (Which is today.) I used to broaden my horizons, and get some old school hip hop. After browsing for quite a while, I finally decided on Eric B. & Rakim's "Paid in Full" I love it. I also picked up an RJD2 which is not hip hop, but Blueprint is a guest on the song so it end up pretty hip hop, which I am immensely impressed with. Check out some old school hip hop if you're into that sort of thing.
-Chris

Tonight!

2008-05-24T12:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the night. The Stanley Cup. It's going to be a great series this year. The numer 1 seed in the Western Conference, the Detroit Red Wings, are taking on the number 2 seed in the Eastern Conference, the Pittsburgh Penguins. It is going to be awesome sauce. Predictions you ask? I would love for the Wings to take it home. But, I think the Pens are on to much of a hot streak, and Marc Andre Fleury is too good of a Goalie for the Wings I am thinking. I say Pens will win it in 6.
-Chris

How Lame Is That?

2008-05-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

I just discovered Microsoft Entourage on my computer. For those of you who do not know, I am an avid Mac user. So much that I despise any time that I am forced to use a PC. Seriously, I get all irritated. It's kinda lame. Anyways, I got Microsoft Office for the mac when I first got this thing two years ago. It came with 3 programs I knew what they did, Word, PowerPoint, and Excel. It also came with another program that I had never heard of, Entourage. I have been looking for a PDA phone recently because I am TERRIBLE with remembering dates, times etc. But all the phones I have found can only be updated through Microsoft Outlook. Guess what? There is no Outlook for Macs after OS 9.2 (or 9.6 I can't really remember). So if you are running a Mac that was made anytime in the past decade you can't get Outlook. So I did some research, and found out that friggin Entourage is the almost the same thing. Gosh. I am an idiot. This program could have saved me HOURS. Why didn't I open it when I got it and see what it did. Lord.
-Chris

Ouch.

2008-05-13T23:06:00.001-07:00

Dang. I was just brutally reminded of the fact that people watch Christians and what we do and say. If you keep up with this you know of some things that I have said to a certain individual whom I do not know. I should have just kept my mouth shut, and dealt with the fact that I thought someone is wrong. Instead, I felt the need to just unload on someone I have never met, and thus have most definitely lost an opportunity to share the love Christ. This is the greatest sin one could ever commit, and I did it with a clean conscience. Now through the words of someone who did not even reveal themselves, but hid behind a veil of sarcasm, I have been able to see my own folly. God, forgive me for my idiocy, and help me to overcome my pride....
-Chris

Moving Stinks...

2008-05-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

So ended my two year stint in Rose Garden Village living with elderly folks. For those of you who don't know. I lived in an apartment complex that CBU owns that was formerly a retirement community. When CBU bought it they were going to just let the senior residents move out or (I know this is harsh but....) die. But my freshman year there were more people than the University expected so I ended up living amongst elderly folks. I was apprehensive about it at first, but it immediately grew on me. They were not upset that we were there, they in fact were happy. We would often have gatherings with them were we would eat pizza and just talk. They even invited to have coffee with them every morning in the complex community room. Sure there were a few that were unhappy about it, but for the most part they were stoked that we were there. I will miss is terribly, but I am enjoying my new apartment in University Place 120. I'll post pics of the new place soon.
-Chris

Done

2008-04-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am officially done with school for summer. God, I am glad....
Now to figure out how I am going to work on Monday, and somehow check out of my apartment and into my new one.... geez louise.
-Chris

I am in heaven right now.

2008-04-26T18:19:00.001-07:00

I love hockey. It think it is the ish. So right now I am in heaven because it is the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And thus there are games on all the time. I love it. To bad my Coyotes did not make it.
-Chris

The Brak Show

2008-04-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

I just recently got my second volume of The Brak Show back from Phil. I love the Brak Show. Its very very funny. If you like random crap you should check out the Brak Show.

If you like it, you can probably borrow my DVD's.... if I know you.... and if I love you enough.... which I probably don't. Unless you have a fish named Mr. Tickles.
I have not had these DVD's for a while, so watching them all again is like watching them for the first time. Enjoy.
-Chris

Dinner Tonight

2008-04-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

Well folks, today I get to go to one of my favorite places, Wahoo's. This particular one is owned by Travis Barker of +44 and Blink-182. Wahoo's is a great place. It's got some really good Mexican food. I am not a fish person, but I have heard that they have great fish tacos if you are into that type of thing. But my favorite is the carnitas red wet burrito. Mhmm. Tasty. They also have great onion rings. Probably my favorite onion rings in all the land. If you live anywhere near Norco or Huntington Beach, check them out. I know theres more locations than that, but I have no idea where.
-Chris

The Last Days...

2008-04-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

It is the last week of school for me. It's really weird to be done so freaking early but that is how the cookie crumbles. I have two take home finals that are due tomorrow, then a Greek final on Tuesday. But I have a paper that is due on Friday as well as a evaluation for my internship. So much craziness. But it will not be that bad I think. I have Campus Days later today, but I will post on that later. But it is a fun thing. Maybe I will take some pictures, and post later. Fo sho. Till then.
-Chris

Good Friends.....

2008-04-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

Recently I have reconnected with several old friends that I have not been able to spend time with.
First, I had coffee with Dylan Hake. That is always a good time, we talk about anything and everything and it is always refreshing. For sure. Always interesting to hear what kind of stuff he is going through in his life, be it positive or negative.
Second, I got to go to Disneyland and dinner with Matthew Mayhem. That was cool. Have not seen him for a while. Now, I need to hook up with our fellow buddy Travis who I have not seen in an even longer time.
Tomorrow, is lunch with the Bean. I am looking forward to this more than I can explain. I have alot of things that I need to lay out on the table for her, and I hope some things that she will have some things to say to me as well.
If you (the reader) and I have not hung out in a while let me know. Lets get some coffee or something and catch up for sure.
-Chris

Tiger & the Duke

2008-04-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

The Sound of Animals Fighting (TSOAF) is a very interesting band. As is their re-release of "Tiger & The Duke" on Equal Vision Records. TSOAF is made up of so many random people it's hard to keep track. Rich, Matt and Chris of Rx Bandits , Anthony Green of Circa Survive (and formerly Saosin), Derek and Randy of Finch , Marc from Atreyu , among others. The sound is very original. You can tell that this group of guys really just wanted to get together and play some music that was different. It has a feeling that is somewhat similar to The Fall of Troy, or even possibly a little bit like The Mars Volta. But when it comes down to it, they have their own sound. While the music is interesting, I found myself waiting for the next song to begin. This is not a good thing. I liked the songs, but they seemed to kind of drag. When a song is excellent, you want to hear more, but aren't in a rush to get to the next song. That element was not present in these songs. Because this was a re-issue there are some cool bonuses, 1) Re-mixes from another album by different bands including Portugal the Man, Technology, Evol Intent, and The Optimist. All this being said one of my favorite parts of this album is the live song "Horses in the Sky" this is great because this band has stated that they are only going to play four shows total, all of which are done. So those of us who did not make it to any of those shows get a taste of it. Now my least favorite parts of the album were the interludes between songs that were performed by Technology. It wasn't that there were interludes, I would not have minded if they were good. But I feel they were rather poorly written. This is when I really wanted the next song to come, was during these 3 interludes. Overall I say this album is definitely worth a listen. Another interesting thing about this band is that they do not use their names in the credits. I am unsure how Wikipedia found all of this information out (possibly posted by one of the members?), but each member is assigned an animal rather than using their name. The Four main members that have remained the same since the beginning are The Nightingale, The Walrus, The Lynx, and The Skunk (Rich, Matt, Chris, and Anthony respectively). On this album though, there is also: Tortise, Tiger, Bear, Raven, Swan, Dog, Ferret, Octopus, Armadillo, Llama, and Hyena. Not only do the musicians get animals, but the mixers, masterers, artwork people, authors (I'll get to a point about this one), public relations, engineers, and patrons. So in all reality this band has a large amount of members (I don't feel like counting). The artwork on this album is somewhat interesting. It does not spark interest immediately in the way that "O' God the Aftermath" ( Norma Jean ) does, but it piques curiosity none the less. There also is a story that goes along with the music, I am unsure what the title has to do with the story though, because the story is about two wolves searching for something called "The Glen". This is where I believe the album could have used some improvement, if you are going to have a story along with your album there are a few things that are needed of it. 1) It needs to grab my attention. 2) It needs to be somewhat thoroughly explained. Neither of these things are present in this story.
Overall Rating: I give it 3 Carl's Jr. Milkshakes out of 5

Well....

2008-04-06T13:17:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am going to do music reviews. I don't know why. Probably to motivate people to buy less crappy music I suppose. But yeah... I am going to Mexico tomorrow, then when I get back I will do my first review. I am still deciding of what. Maybe something that's big that comes out while I am gone? Dunno, leave me some suggestions.
-Chris

I cannot believe this...

2008-03-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

In June of 2002, the synod of the Anglican Diocese of New Westminster (in Vancouver, Canada) voted to authorize a service to bless same-sex unions. J. I. Packer was among the synod members who walked out in protest, and he explained why in an article for Christianity Today. The lede summarized his rationale: "Why did I walk out with the others? Because this decision, taken in its context, falsifies the gospel of Christ, abandons the authority of Scripture, jeopardizes the salvation of fellow human beings, and betrays the church in its God-appointed role as the bastion and bulwark of divine truth."

On Feb. 13, 2008, Packer's church, St. John’s Shaughnessy in Vancouver (at 760 members, the largest church in the Anglican Church of Canada), voted to leave the ACC and to align with a more orthodox branch in Argentina: the Province of the Southern Cone.
On Feb. 22, 2008, Michael Ingham, Bishop of the New Westminster Diocese, sent a letter to Packer (who has been an honorary assistant at St. John's for over 20 years) and other clergy serving a Notice of Presumption of Abandonment of the Exercise of the Ministry under Canon XIX, based on (1) publicly renouncing the doctrine and discipline of the Anglican Church of Canada; and (2) having sought or intending to seek admission into another religious body outside the Anglican Church of Canada.

If they do not dispute these facts by April 21, 2008, their authority as ministers of the Word and Sacrament (conferred at their ordinations) will be revoked.

Please pray for Dr. Packer, all of the staff of St. John's, and all the members as well.

-Chris
(Taken from Justin Taylor's Blog: Between Two Worlds

Emo vs. Heavy

2008-03-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

One thing that drives me absolutely insane about southern California is all of the stereotypes that are thrown around. (I do it just as much as everyone, so I know this is hypocritical, but only to a point but you will see why.) I.E. "That guy is a bro" or "That dude is a beach bum" or "That homie is gangsta" etc. I guess what bothers me is not the fact that stereotypes are there, but the fact that when something is stereotyped a certain way and thus makes people dislike that band/person/activity simply because thats "emo" "bro" or "hardcore" or whatever. Perfect example is music. People will simply not a certain band because they sing. Simply because they sing. And according to them if it has any singing in it at all its emo. It doesn't matter that they are not singing about cutting themselves, or even breaking up with their girlfriend. They could be singing about vital issues that are important to that the listener, but because they sing they are emo. But then there are bands like Emmure. (Please do not misinterpret what I am saying I can appreciate Emmure's talent for being heavy.) Emmure is one of those really heavy bands. Lots of breakdowns, no singing, de-tuned guitars you know the deal. But he literally is screaming lyrics about crying to the bayside CD (10 Signs You Should Leave), Killing himself because of regret of a love lost (It's Not Just a Party, It's a Funeral & When Everything Goes Wrong, Take the Easy Way Out), and every song is about an ending romantic relationship; not to mention that the artwork is animations of the lead singer hanging himself. I mean it is very obvious that the man has very serious emotional and psychological problems. If anything I feel that this is one of the most emo records I have heard since I bought Hawthorne Heights CD (without hearing it. It had a sticker that said "For fans of Finch" so I got sucked in) and hearing about cutting his wrists, and giving himself black eyes because his love left him. Meanwhile all the hardcore kids love Emmure because there are breakdowns, and screaming, but won't even bother listening to very talented bands like Haste the Day, or As Cities Burn simply because they have some singing parts. It honestly strikes a chord, and some people realize the stupidity of not doing things/listening to things simply because they SEEM to fit in with a certain stereotype.

Battle of the Bands

2008-02-15T13:58:00.000-08:00

I am a musician. I love playing music. Not every person that picks up a guitar or owns a drum kit should call themselves a musician. Even I am slowly moving away from the musician into the role of a minister. The reason I say this is because so many people these days starting bands, when they in reality have no talent. None. There is a flood of these terrible bands in Southern California. This makes things difficult for bands that actually know what they are doing. What happens is these bands will get a show, no one will show up and thus, the promoter, the venue, and the venue employees are out of their pay for the evening. So what has happened is that promoters have started making people sell tickets in advance. This makes sense right? It should except it has become the exact opposite of what it was supposed to be. Instead of the bands just not being able to play if they don't sell X amount of tickets, the promoters have decided to take advantage of these bands and make them pay for every ticket that they did not sell. This has in turn lead to a "Battle of the Bands" where people will pay X amount of dollars to play 3 songs. On top of this the original fee doesn't cover everyone to get into perform. For example Spirit West Coast has a such an event. You pay $75 and you get to play, but that only covers 2 of your band members getting into the festival. So you in turn pay the original $75 fee plus another $75-$150 dollars a person to get the rest of the band in to actually play the gig. Then if the judges liked your style of music, or what you had to say, you might get another 10 minute set on one of the main stages. During which, you are not allowed to use any of your own gear. You have to use the backlined gear that the festival provides. Then if you do well through that mess, you get to perform in Nashville for another battle of the bands. But the catch is, you have to make your own way out there. Thus you must raise all the funds you need to get to Tennessee. So they pretty much screw you coming and going. It's an endless cycle. If people actually knew what they were doing before they started a band, then all of this could be avoided. Please, if you are a musician out there, do not take this as discouragement. All I am saying is that you should be decent at your instrument of choice before going and trying to get gigs at The Whiskey A Go Go. Not only will people actually like you, you might actually save yourself some money in the process. If you are a promoter reading this, QUIT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF KIDS! You make them sign a contract that they don't understand, just so that they can get on a stage and play music. I don't know how you look at yourself in the mirror for doing that to kids. Seriously.....
-Chris

Looking into these faces...

2008-01-13T14:06:00.000-08:00

Do you ever look at those around you and wonder, "What the heck happened to you?" This is not necessarily a bad thing. For example, my cousin is getting engaged. She went through a tough year, and she has returned to God and is seeking his will for her. But it could be a bad thing. I have friends that I just do not know anymore. Seriously, it has not been that long since we have talked, but now they are druggies, sexually promiscuously, alcoholics, and atheists. I look at all of the changes that are going on around me and wonder, "what do people think of what I have become?" Am I the guy that they ask "What went wrong with him?" or do they say "His parents must have done something right." I know that I have my flaws (selfishness, dishonesty, lustful thoughts, pride, laziness, unrighteous anger, and to many more to list) but do people look at me and think that's all that I am, or do they see that I genuinely want to improve in these areas? That would be one of my deepest regrets if that is all they could see of me. I know that my God knows and that is more than sufficient, but if my mother and father thought that I was a hoodlum, I would be hurt. I know that my mother and father don't think this of me, that was simply an example. God, I have so much to change.....
-Chris

Just Random Update....

2007-12-29T00:01:00.000-08:00

Well its been a while so I figure I should give all my readers just a random update about whats been going on in my life and whats happened this year. A lot of awesome stuff has happened as well as some crappy stuff, but hey that's life.
This year I got back together with Sarah, my longtime girlfriend from high-school. We started hanging out again in February-March and by June we were together again. So I have officially finished my third semester at CBU studying theology. I love it there. I am hoping that the next 5 don't go as fast as these three. I have had a new roommate for the past semester, Paden Burger. A good friend and glad to have him with me, I do miss living with Ryan terribly though. A lot of you know of my love of music. I have been playing bands since 7th grade. I started a band my junior year of high-school with several friends. In March or so The Undiscovered called it quits. It was fun while it lasted by we were just done with playing, Dylan was moving on to play with Moi, and the rest of us were frustrated with each other, and so for the sake of our friendships we were done. Since then I have started another group called Legacy of Betrayal. It is something that I have really been enjoying doing for the past 5-6 months. One of the first times that I have been working with a group of very seasoned musicians and its a nice change. (Not that The Undiscovered guys were bad, cause they weren't.) L.O.B. has our first show January 12th in Redlands at Oasis. I would be honored if you all would come. I have been continuing to work with the middle schoolers at Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church. I love it with all that I am. Sarah has gotten involved as well, and it makes me so proud of her to watch how she connects with her girls. I have gone through three cars this year. Many of you knew and loved "Big Muff" the giant green Astro van that I drove around. It finally died and I got an older than me Jeep Cherokee. I liked it a lot, and it was named "Odeon". It was a rad car. Unfortunately it died several months after my family bought it. After which God has blessed me with an awesome little car that I have not yet named. I got this Kia Rio for 3000 dollars and it only has 30,000 miles on it. Its been a great little car, it is awesome to have a car that isn't falling apart, and have everything (except the cigarette lighter) work. I bought an Xbox 360 this year and so far it has been worth every penny (although it was a lot of pennies). This year I have experienced something that I have never experienced before. Everyone knows that I am super protective of my little sister The Julie Bean, well she has gone and gotten her first boyfriend. I am still getting used to it. He is a good guy, and I am glad it is him rather than some douche bag. But either way it is a little odd, and I worry about her. My grandfathers health has taken a turn for the worst, he seems to be tired all of the time, and he is having kidney issues, so he is a constant source of concern for me, although I know that God is wise, and everything happens for a reason. There has been the highlights of my year. If I remember anything else I will edit this post and tell you all. Hope you all are well. I love you all tons.
-Chris

On my to do list

2007-12-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

I, as the middle school intern at my church have been put in charge of the Christmas Party. So today I am getting everything together.
I have to:
Get drinks
Get Decorations
Make sure everything is set at the hosts house
Pick up the 6 foot burrito
And welcome all the students
It should be a great time of fellowship asnd getting to connect with the students.
-Chris

Interesting thoughts...

2007-12-11T14:01:00.000-08:00

I am reading a book right now called The Lords of Chaos which is a book about the rise of satanic metal in todays culture. That is not what this blog is about. This blog is about what these type of people think of us. In the book a band called Ulver is interviewed. This is what they have to say about Christianity: "Christianity is but one expression of herd mentality... All this said, I mind in no way attacks on Christianity, but I believe it is killing itself more rapidly than any church burner could ever dream of doing. After all, we live in the end of the second millennium and most people are enlightened to such a degree that they are capable of smelling rotting fish."
What do you think of this? Is he right, is he wrong? I am curious as to what people inside the church think of the church.
-Chris

Well...

2007-11-13T14:32:00.001-08:00

Paper's finished.
Test was taken.
Everything worked out, and I am done with school for the week. How amazing is that?

All We Are Is Paralyzed From The Face Down....

2007-11-12T10:13:00.001-08:00

As I woke up this morning, I realized how utterly complacent I have become. I never understand why things have to be so hard, and I would rather not try at all, than fail when giving my best. It's like I get this attitude of if there is any possible way for me to fail, then I am not going to do it. It's gotten to the point, where I don't want to try in relationships either. Whether it be with my family, friends, my girlfriend, or whatever. I just don't care if there is a chance that I might get hurt, frustrated, or be let down in any way what-so-ever. How terrible is this? That I have gotten so jaded, lazy, and selfish that I won't even make an effort to be a decent human being. What's worse is I am miserable being like this. I don't remember the last time I was just happy, genuinely happy. I don't understand how I can pretend to be ok, and put on this facade that everything is awesome, when in reality I am lonely, and I am lonely because I am to lazy to do anything about it. I guess maybe I am jaded cause I have put my feelings out there just to have them be walked all over. When in reality not everyone is going to do this, but I just put up this wall, so that not even the people that love me can get in. Please don't take this as looking for pity, or attention. I have brought this upon myself. This is just me expressing myself.
"All we are is paralyzed from the face down, we're still alive with our fake smiles, when the cameras away." - D.P.

I really shouldn't...

2007-11-10T13:01:00.000-08:00

I really shouldn't be writing this right now. I have 21-25 pages to write, a book to read, and huge test to study for. Seriously. I really shouldn't being doing this right now. I just am frustrated with it so I don't want to do it. I think that I will go read the book first. Theology class stinks (not really).
-Chris

There has GOT to be something in the water....

2007-10-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

I feel rather unaccomplished... What did I do today? Well I cut my finger, uh read a book, went to class. Yeah what did Jimmy do? He got married.
WHAT?!?!
I don't even know what to say to that. I feel weird.
-Chris

Here is some advice...

2007-10-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

Do NOT get behind in school work. It sucks catching up. I have the spent the past few days doing nothing but playing catch up. And I have paid the price. Lost many opportunities to hang out with friends, and have lost some serious WOW time. Lame I know. I have read over 300 pages in the past three days. Please do not follow my example. But I am extremely happy to say that I have completely caught up and am ready to begin falling behind again....
-Christopher

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

2007-09-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Three, no....(Counts on fingers) Four words.
LED ZEPPLIN REUNION TOUR!!!!
-Chris

Ha....

2007-09-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

CBU owns Rose Garden Village. It is a retirement community. But there are also college student in it. I live there. On the way to my first class I past by an older persons apartment. The stereo was on and very loud... especially the bass, it was playing what I believed to be Beyonce'. It amused me immensely. Old people listening to Beyonce'.
-Chris

Holy Phi It's Greek and Biblical Interpretation

2007-09-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

Holy suck. I started my first class today. Biblical Interpretation. I am going to die I think. I didn't even understand the syllabus and we have a freaking quiz on it on Friday. (I always think its funny when Prof's do quizzes on syllabi.) Anyways, I opened my Greek flash cards and electronic packet. I am going to have no life this semester save for looking at flash cards, and diagramming sentences for Bib. Int.
-Chris

WOW and to many books

2007-09-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

I spent most of yesterday restarting my WOW account. I started a new character and started making my way to this:

Today I woke up got dressed and went to the bookstore. This is what I bought:

So never mind on me playing WOW (jk) I won't have time for anything that isn't reading. Yay for the BAT program. Just kidding I love it.
-Chris

Labor Day Sucks If You Don't Have A Job

2007-09-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

Today is Labor Day.
Supposed to be a day of relaxation and rest for the entire work force.
But if you don't have a job that you work on Mondays it kinda sucks. For several reasons.
1) All the stuff that I need to get done before class starts on Wednesday (i.e. Buying books) has to be put off until the day before it all begins. Suck.
2) I am bored out of my skull and I don't know who to call. So bored in fact that I have turned to my old friend World of Warcraft. Yes friends. I have, once again, become a nerd. You may mock me eternally, but I don't care, I am going to enjoy my video games and there is nothing you can do about it.
I moved into the new apartment. Exactly the same as the last one, except for the old person that lived in it before Paden and me must have been a freaking smoker, because it smells like cigarettes. If it would have smelled like cigars, I might not have minded since I kinda like the smell of a nice cigar, but cigarettes smell like crap. Don't smoke kids.
-Chris

Fans of ATHF Cry in Misery...

2007-08-17T00:25:00.000-07:00

Because the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Feature Film for Theaters was absolutely terrible. I understand that the plots for the show are crazy, but this was so stupid the writer had to have been on acid or cocaine or heroine or any combination of the three to come up with this plot. It seriously was the biggest waste of twenty dollars I have ever used. Don't buy it don't rent it don't borrow it from a friend don't even illegally download it.

A bit of controversial blog I think...

2007-08-07T16:49:00.000-07:00

Before I even start this blog and talk about what it is I want to talk about, please understand that I am utterly and completely grateful to our military I thank you all for what you do for this country and it's residents, and this entry is not aimed to insult or demean anything you have done, nor am I going to refer to all military persons, just one certain type of one that I spent a lot of time thinking about today, in particular, and wanted to share my thoughts.
I get slightly irritated with people have a double standard. My meaning behind this is simple, Military personal who think that they some how have more rights and are better people than the rest of us simply because we have not joined the Army, Navy, Air Force or National Guard. They say that they are fighting for our freedom and then try to tell us what to do and take them away from us. A perfect example of this is when I was at a wedding a while ago, so I decided to dress a little nice since that is the thing to do at weddings. So I wore slacks, a button up shirt, and a circa WWII Marines dress jacket that I acquired from a military surplus store. (Not to be disrespectful or anything like that I just like the way it looks.) Not long after I had arrived at the wedding a young man in a tuxedo walked up to me and says "Do me a favor and take off the jacket." I responded not rudely, but not exactly politely I suppose, mostly out of confusion. I said "Why?" He continued to explain to me that it was insulting to him because he was a Marine and I didn't deserve to wear the jacket. I responded in the negative at first, not even really in the negative, but just not really answering, then one of his buddys someone I knew, and is prolly close to a decade younger than me walks up next to him and says "Yeah take it off." This frustrated me even more because he wasn't even old enough to be in the Military, so how could he be insulted by it? I told him "You know what I will be polite since you are in the wedding party and take it off." and he replied with "Just so you know for future reference, it pisses us off." To which I replied "You know what? I really don't care. I am being polite simply because you are in the wedding party but other places I am going to wear what I like whether you like it or not." At which he did not reply but walked away rudely. Later I was talking with the groom and he said "Thank you for taking off the coat, my best man was about to kill you." Now this is what frustrates me. These men and women are fighting for our freedom to do, say, wear, and think what we like, then get upset with us when we do it. To me this almost seems that they are doing it to be in charge more than for them to defend our rights. Once again this is not aimed at all Military, or even close to it just the ones that seem to think they are better than us. I also want to offer my sincere apologies to anyone this might have offended, it was not intended to offend or be rude, but simply spark some thoughts amongst my friends.
-Christopher

Well....

2007-08-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Today I bought a cd by a band called Neon Horse. The interesting thing about this band is that no one is taking responsibility for it. The names of the people who recorded it are being withheld. The inside reads Vocals - Norman Horse, Music - Neon Horse. This is an interesting concept to me. This means that they cannot tour, and they just aren't really getting the credit they deserve for recording such a good album... Slightly boggled by all of this....
-Christopher

So I found out....

2007-08-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

That it was my brothers fault my association. He flushed a glow stick (you know raver status?) down the toilet and if he hadn't done that then my father wouldn't have been trying to fix the toilet, and thus end up dropping it. So its my brothers fault.

-Christopher

Wonderful way to make up

2007-08-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

My Father decided that it would be fun to break the toilet today...
So I woke up to a loud crash and lots of yelling about how "this could have been an easy fix. Darn it!" and other such exclamations. I think it is rather amusing. I am not talking like breaking the floater or the thing that fills it up. No, I am talking about breaking the actual toilet in half. Not by like sitting on it. He was fixing something else and he dropped it. But it still amuses me immensely.

Hope you enjoy this little picture...
-Chris

Good Lord

2007-08-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

I thought I was over this business of being sick, but I forgot my medicine yesterday, thus when I went to do some work outside today I started to, once again, feel like absolute crap. The lesson that I have learned from all of this is that I have to finish anti-biotics. Stupid pills. I just have such a hard time remembering to take a pill when I already feel fine.
Last night was pretty cool. We had high school and middle school youth group together last night. I was glad to see that we as a church can get together and still connect, although I would have liked to see more high school middle school inter-mingling. Anyways to my point, about youth group we watched a Nooma video. This one only confirms that my suspicions that Rob Bell is a complete genius. This particular heart throbbing clip was about the Gospel and how each person becomes the Gospel to people that don't know it. While, we don't literally become the Gospel, we do though become examples for the Gospel so in a sense we are the Gospel. One line that really stuck out to me was when he said "Jesus loves you just the way you are and enough to not let you stay that way..."
Think about that....
-Christopher

420???

2007-07-31T18:30:00.000-07:00

Awkward....
Today I had a meeting with Steve Brown the worship leader of my church because we were talking about me playing for the 11 o'clock contemporary service, which I am doing this week. So I decided to rewire and re-vamp my pedal-board because it has been sounding like crap lately. So I went to the 99 cent store because I can get 2 9V batteries for 99 cents, as opposed to 2 for 6.49 at K*mart. So on the way out I decided that would like some coffee. So I had Starbucks today for the first time in months. Ironic how my former addiction (iced mocha with an extra shot of espresso) cost me exactly 4.20. Ha.

-Christopher

P.S.
Ironically also the picture number with my addiction of choice was DSC0420.... 420..... again....

Hididilley-ho-neighborino...

2007-07-30T22:44:00.000-07:00

Two words....
Spider-Pig.
It was hilarious....
One of the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. Very political though which was slightly disappointing, but I guess that is The Simpsons in nature... I also love hanging out with old friends that I haven't seen in a long time. Dylan is awesome, it was awesome to see him and play Resident Evil 4. Killing zombies is awesome sauce.
-Christopher

ah yes...

2007-07-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

Roller coaster of emotion.....
Saying good-bye to friends leaving...
Arguing so much that I just would like to sleep and not wake up...
Making up and realizing that I am a butt head who needs to get over himself...
Seeing old friends to talk about life and watch a ridiculous movie about a yellow family saving a town....
Hearing about seeing Bob Dylan....
Wishing that this prescription of little red pills would run out when I realize that I have only been on it for 41/2 days, with 25 1/2 to go....
Getting a new car....
Getting frustrated with new car because I cannot for life of me drive a stick shift....
Realizing that I'll need to do is practice with said stick shift for a while before I have it down just like driving an automatic....
Realizing that last night I missed August Burns Red at the Showcase....
Again realizing that The Warriors played last night and I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the Krews anyways....
Realizing how stupid scene kids can be....
Realizing how stereotypes can really ruin peoples view of others...
Realizing that I am hypocrite for labeling people when I hate when people label me...
Realizing that I haven't cracked my Bible for over a week....

Life lately

2007-07-18T17:22:00.000-07:00

Life lately has been insane. God has been teaching me so much through people and on my own. For those of you who know me I have been the intern for Magnolia Ave. middle school department for almost a year. It's been really great. I love it, and last week I took them to camp all on my own (besides the other two counselors) for the first time. Lucas is out of town on missions so I was the head-honcho for this little excursion into the San Bernardino Mountains. On the first day everything was peachy, but second day in things got a little rocky. I was totally shocked and surprised at the fact that two girls who came with us and seemed to be having a good time decided that they wanted to go home over a major misunderstanding. A very seriously huge misunderstanding. I was really bummed because one of them was of the Muslim faith and was totally enjoying her stay at our camp. So I totally am bummed that she went home early, but God has his hand in it somewhere. I know that God has a plan, but I was hoping that she would be moved toward the saving grace of the Gospel but instead it seems that only some seeds were planted, although she did say some things that were encouraging, such as "I have really opened my eyes towards things, and I am interested in studying the Christian faith." so that was great, but still discouraging that she went home.
But over all camp was good, and I walked away with some great experiences that I learned from and will be able to really apply in my life and future ministry.
-Christopher

Fears and Promises...

2007-03-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

A lot has been happening in my life lately. Last summer, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to completely and totally mess up my life. I did a lot of things that I regret and wish that had never happened. I lost a lot of friends. I lost someone even more important to me than that, and whats worse is I was the one who pushed her away. it took three months to undo a lifetime of work to get where I was at spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Around August, September, I realized how messed up my life was, and I really have been trying to fix things since then. Things have slowly but surely gotten better. I am now at the point where I was at a year ago. I am working the same habits and the same problems I was a year ago, and I cannot help but be discouraged.
I know that God has forgiven me for what I did, but I am having a hard time understanding why or how he could, and thus am having a hard time accepting it. I wish that I could erase last summer from my life, I screwed so many things up and so many people over. These people have forgiven me, but I don't know how. I thank God for these people. These people would be My parents, my sister, my brother, Sarah, Lynnea, and anyone else that I was a role model for, or they just admired my faith. I let them all down. I hate that I did, but its in the past and that is all I can do, is seek reconciliation. I love these people, and it was a lack of love for these people that caused my problems.
This is what happens when you get selfish. You break your parents trust. You lose your little siblings admiration. You break your true loves heart. And you lose your friends. Let me ask you, is it worth it? Is it worth it for us to continue in our selfish ways and get what we want? Because I tell you now, from experience, it was the stupidest most ignorant thing I have ever done, to decide that what I want and desire is more important than everyone else's needs. If the me from today met the me from then I would slap him and tell him that he needs to get his head on straight and realize what he is doing. Maybe people tried to do that, and I didn't listen. I don't know. I have a feeling it wouldn't have done any good anyways. That would have made me want to do what I wanted to do even more.
I see God's hand in it now though. I have grown in ways that I would not have grown if I had not experienced those things. I have such a greater appreciation and love for the Gospel and what it means to me. Matthew Theissen put it best though when he said "Who I am hates who I have been." I think about all the ways that I messed up and it makes feel like throwing up. I get this gut feeling like, if a guy I knew did those things that I did to Sarah, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy that did what I did to to my sister, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy that betrayed his parents the way I did, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy like I was, I would hate him. I deserve nothing more than to be hated and despised, because that is nothing more than what I did. I spit upon the people who loved me the most. I feel so dirty...
I know that they forgive me and that is more than I can ever ask for. I know that they are there with open arms, but I hesitate, almost because I am afraid that I will turn around and hurt them again. I couldn't put them through that. It wouldn't be fair. It wasn't fair the first time. It would be even less the second time.
Father, help me to realize your forgiveness. Help me to realize their forgiveness and move on to never make that mistake again.......
-Christopher

Thoughts of Late...

2007-02-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been thinking about my passions. My passion for people, my passion for learning new ideas, my passion for hearing my Savior, and mostly about my passion for music. God has blessed me with some amazing talents and passions in the area of music. I would love nothing more than to pursue my passions and talents and make a career out of making music, but my Lord has something else in mind. He has called me to something higher. He has called me to a life of ministry. This is my struggle. I don't understand how God can give me these talents and passions and then want me to only give them up. He has asked me to give up what I love most in this world for what serves His purpose. And right now He is having to drag me kicking and screaming. Why can't I sacrifice what He asks me too. I am so weak. All I want to do is what I want to do, not what God wants. Why am I so simplistic? Why can I not see the bigger picture and let go of something that in the long run will benefit me nothing. This notion's got it's claws in me and is refusing to let go. How do I kill my desire for the greater good is the question that I cannot answer.

No Reason...

2007-02-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

I watched an interesting movie today. "The Road Peredition", it was quite good. It was about a kid who's father, from what I could really gather, was a mob hitman. In the movie the kid sneaks into his fathers car and sees him kill several men. Then one of the mobmen figure out that he was there, and tries to kill the entire family. He succeeds in killing the mother and the younger brother, but not the father or the main character. The rest of the movie is the father and his son trying to find the killer. They end up robbing several banks, and killing several people that got in the way. In the end, the father killed the mob boss, who was hiding the man who killed the family, and the man who killed his family. They then make it to Peredition, where the sister of the mother lives. There another hitman, who has been chasing them through the entire movie shoots the father and comes after the son. It ends up that the father wasn't quite dead, and killed the hitman, leaving the son by himself. It kind of leaves me at a point where I wish I had more information. What happened to the son? I know the father dies. But why did it have to end like that? Why couldn't they all die? I would have had alot more closure that way. Stupid. But then I came to the conclusion that I didn't write this movie, and this is the story that the writer wanted to tell. It begged alot of questions I suppose. Why do we feel that we must get revenge for anything and everything that goes wrong and is caused by someone? Secondly, it made me think about the way our lives our. God has written a story for our lives. We make not like it, but He has our best interests in mind. Why are we so resistant to things that are hard? Do we not trust our heavenly Father enough to know that no matter what we go through He will bring us through, whether that be death so that we are with Him in heaven for the rest of eternity, or keep us here to keep toiling through every day we have. How many times, have I taken His grace for granted? How many times have I lost hope in His divine plan? Have I no faith at all? God forgive me.
-Christopher

Split Veil...

2007-02-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

Today I finished all of my classes, and drove out to San Bernardino to Guitar Center. There Ryan and I met the rest of Split Veil. We then bought a firwire interface and a pop filter. We then drove to Kyle, the drummers house laid wire and got ready to record. We then talked about what exactly we wanted to do. This is my first time producing a record. I am so uberly stoked about starting tomorrow. We have exited the pre-production state, and tomorrow at 9 A.M. we will begin laying down drum tracks for two songs. This will be such a great experience. I am doing this record for free but they bought me the interface, so next time I will be able to get paid. This is something that I am totally excited about, because I am not in a band that is really going anywhere right now. Don't get me wrong I love playing with The Undiscovered, but at the time being we are just practicing alot, and have a few shows lined up, but still we are not making alot of money. So making some money with the skills and talents that God has blessed me with is something that I am so thankful for. I thank God for my talents, and now I have an even better way to use it for His glory. I hope you guys are all doing well. I love you all.
-Christopher

Consider the Ravens....

2007-01-28T12:27:00.000-08:00

Well I've got bills to pay and taxmen on my tail. I just keep praying that the check's in the mail. And there are time it seems that everything's lost. When I'm blown and I'm tossed, but then I see, between the river and the ravens I'm fed. Between oblivion and blazes I'm led. So Father give me faith in providence and grace. Between the river and the ravens I'm fed. Oh sweet deliverer you lift up my head, and lead me in your way. Well I've grown sick and tired of trying to stand still. I've learned to let the wind blow me where it will, to throw myself into the wall of the wave. How can we ever be brave until we are free? And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and evil's all around. It's coming from the right and the left, I trust that I will see your glory above. Oh your banner of love, flies over me.
-D. Kensrue

Why can I not be faithful? I have so many worries, so much burden, but I try so hard to carry it all on my own, even though I know that my Lord has offered on more than one occasion to help me with my load. I hate myself. Which in and of itself is something that I need to work on. I really do though. I know that I am good at things. Self-esteem is not an issue for me. It's more of a pride thing. I cannot let my savior help me with anything until it gets to the point where I collapse under its weight. I am at that point again. Why can I not get up in the morning and rely on him until I lay my head down to sleep again. He has proved to me time and time and time and time again that He is the only ever-faithful one. I can rely on him always. But when things aren't that bad I say "That's alright Lord, I can handle things on my own right now. I'll call you when I need you." As a good friend has always said "heart-break is necessary" to learn from our mistakes otherwise we will learn nothing from our mistakes. I am going to experience heartbreak. I am experiencing heartbreak. It's my own fault and my fault alone. My Lord will help me, again. But I need to learn so badly to rely on Him for the small things as well as the things that life altering. He provides for me so much and I take it all for granted. I hate who I have become over the past year. Satan has figured out how to hit me where it counts and make me stumble. I am finally seeing that. I am finally seeing things that I knew a long time ago, but lost sight of. Why does it take me falling under the weight of my own foolishness for me to learn?

Lord, forgive me.

-Christopher

Caught....

2006-12-25T20:31:00.000-08:00

I did not write this. But it captured the way I feel and think so well. It also formulated the way I feel into words. Something that normally comes fairly easy, but on this topic I have had a rough time. Thanks to Justine.

"Anyone else not really in the hype of Christmas this year
I thought I was...
and then it didn't really happen.
The traditional stuff I mean.
Well at least at home.

We don't have lights or decorations, the family has been having little tiffs all day... we don't even have a tree.

I know.

Ridiculous for a Christmas in the lovely commercialized southern california.

But today me and my cousin read the christmas story before we opened presents.

As asked by my cousins dad... my uncle...

both of whom have only recently become Christians.

Whom I had been praying for for six years.

And so.

i failed again.

I let the spirit create an anticipation in me for a spectacular day full of color and life.

And in the expectation let the very life run dry in my heart.

The life that Is the very reason we even give such meaning to this day.

Expectation is a wonderful thing, dangerous as well...
because it leads to dissapointment.

Except

for when it is for something...
or someone
dependable.
Consistent.
Adn overflowing with what they have to give.
Never ending in fact.
With what every single one of us longs for (whther we admit it or not, i don't care)

Love.

Expectantly now... broken in my spirit and energy that the "season" could not bring.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by You, says the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:12-14a

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

Immanuel... God with us.

Even now.

So celebrate

We have acess to the joy that comes from the creator... not the thrill of unwrapping presents but that deep, unbreakable, perserverant joy... that lasts for all eternity.

Pretty much the best present I could ever ask for...

Becuase It's the only thing that I would never be able to live without.

From the only One that gives me life

Merry Christmas"

I can finally see the sun through those black clouds.

2006-12-19T14:01:00.000-08:00

Do you ever finally reflect on something that happened in your life and not know why it happened? Do you ever wait and wait for the meaning to become clear to you? Do you know the feeling of finally seeing why? I do now. As many of you know, I came to Tucson, Arizona for 5 days to see one of my best friends get married, and to catch up with old friends. Also many of you know I lived in Tucson for 10 years of my life. I left when I was forced by parents because my father had been unemployed and had, after 7 months, found one in southern California. Leaving was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The friendships I had here were some of my best and longest lasting ones. I am still friends with everyone that I was when I left, and when I left I had been friend with them for a while. When I left, I hated it. I wanted nothing to do with God or my parents, or anything that was in California. It took a while, but I think I have finally made some great friends in Riverside, that I would not trade for the world. Back to topic though. When I left, I did not in any way understand why I had to leave. I went kicking and screaming at God because he wouldn't tell me why. I finally came around, and understood that he had a reason for it even if I couldn't see it. And I definitely could not see it. Until now. I see the way things are, and everything has changed, the people that I love, are no longer what they used to be. With different morals, and different lifestyles. I see that if I would have stayed here, I definitely not have been where I am today. Where I have had my share, of falling away, and not wanting to do what God wants me to, if I was here, I would have stayed that way. I would not have returned to what I was supposed to be doing. God knew that if I would have stayed here I would have not realized my call to ministry, or even come close to living the life that he has intended. It's hard for me to understand why God would bring such good out of such pain. I cannot remember how many nights I lay awake cursing Him for doing this to me. I get it now. He revealed it to me when it was time for me to see it. But it was hard not knowing. I had kind of come to a place where I did not understand, and I was O.K. with that. If I was supposed to know it would be revealed to me. I guess maybe that is where I have to with everything. I have be alright with not understanding before I can even come close to understanding. Almost everyone here seems so..... jaded, I guess is the only word I have to describe it. If I ever get jaded someone slap me. I cannot become jaded, or complacent, that is the farthest thing from God's plan there could be. I have been jaded and it sucks. Never again. To quote Bleach "I know it's a breakthrough to see what you always wanted me too. I know it's a breakthrough to not have to live like this anymore." Peace.
-Chris

I am so insignificant....

2006-12-02T10:38:00.000-08:00

Something I have really been learning and thinking about lately is how insignificant we as humans are. God, in His omniscience, knew that we would mess up the entire world. He knew that He would have to sacrifice His son, so that we would be could be with Him. He knew that Lucifer would try to become greater than Him. But He went ahead and created the world. Why? Why would He purposely created something He knew would eventually break. Eventually isn't even the right word. Soon. He knew would soon break. If you haven't noticed the first three pages of the Bible are about things being good, and the rest is God fixing it. I think the reason is simple as to why He would to this.... To further His glory. Everything good AND evil in history has furthered His glory and majesty. I think people make God out to be this person that is kind of lovey dovey, and I would even go as far as to say that they make Him out to be safe. If you trust Him you will be "safe". God is just about anything but those things. While He does love us with a love that we as pitiful human beings cannot even have an incling as to how deep it is, He is not a "sweet" guy and He is anything but safe. We tell people accept Christ and "everything will be ok." That is a load of crap. The moment you accept Christ things will become harder. Difference being we now have someone to help us with our burden. I am not entirely sure where I am going with all of this. Just something I have been trying to wrap my head around. I am not sure if I ever will. There is so much more I would like to say, but I will save it for a later post.

-Chris

Yes.. I think that people are lame

2006-11-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

Why do we as people never want to own up to decisions we have made? We make mistakes and then put the blame on anything and everything. I do this myself. I think I can get away with the sin that I have commited if i commit two more sins, pridefulness and dishonesty. I'll lie about what I've done, and then in my heart be proud of the fact that I did it. Galtians 6.8 says "Those who live only satisfy their own sinful nature will harvvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit" Basically, if we mess up we will reap what we sow. If we sow lies, and pain, then we shall indeed reap the same. Do you plant corn and then expect to harvest wheat? This makes me think of the seeds I am sowing. Are they good seeds or seeds that will cause me problems down the road. While no man is perfect we can try to plant good seeds. This is where I am at. I am trying to sow good seeds. I want to sow good seeds. I do not want to be harvesting pain and suffering because I screwed up so much.
Lord give me strength. Strength to sow good seeds, and take the responsibility for the bad seeds I have sown.
-Chris