Saturday, September 6, 2008

What You Put Into It

Today I was in a wedding for the first time (I wasn't getting married, but was a groomsman). It was quite an ordeal. But not a bad one. I feel bad now, because I was not especially looking forward to being in it for several reasons. (Cost of the tux, problems with people in the wedding etc.) but it turned out being a huge blessing in many ways. I was starting to disconnect with some friends of mine that were in the wedding. There is one main reason for this. I felt out of place, not because of anything that they had done or said, but because I am, for lack of a better phrase, as douche bag. You see I have become friends with four people over the past year or so, and as it is in many groups there seem to be pairs of people that are closer with each other than with the rest of the group. Well the one that I was close to moved away. That bummed me out big time, he is my best friend, and it has been a long time since I have had a friend like him. So instead of dealing with my problem in a healthy way, I decided to cut myself off from the people that were my friends, simply because I felt like the third wheel. Not that there is anything to dislike about these people, there are plenty of things that I love about them, but I just didn't feel like being a part of that group of people anymore. So today, I really just had a chance to reconnect with them, even though two of them were getting married. This has made me realize that even when I feel irritated, sometimes I am looking for a reason to be irritated. It was easier for me to be unhappy, and uncomfortable rather than just deal with the issue at hand. So I cut myself off emotionally. This has left me with a novelization that I need to invest more into relationships even when they are hard. It is so easy for me to just sit in my room and play Call of Duty, or WOW, or browse the internet. But investing in people is harder because it takes effort, time, and emotion. Plus the fact that you are dealing with people that will let you down. After the wedding, several people including the bride, and the brides mother told me that they (They being the group of people that I am speaking of) were blessed to have me as a friend. After that point, I somewhat felt like crap. It was so easy for me to just be a jerk, and not invest time and effort into these people because it was hard for me at the time. I need to realize that the more I invest in relationships, with quality time, not being a jerk, and being honest, the more the relationships will grow and be beneficial, even though they are hard. This is so simple why did it take me so long to figure out?

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