Monday, November 12, 2007

All We Are Is Paralyzed From The Face Down....

As I woke up this morning, I realized how utterly complacent I have become. I never understand why things have to be so hard, and I would rather not try at all, than fail when giving my best. It's like I get this attitude of if there is any possible way for me to fail, then I am not going to do it. It's gotten to the point, where I don't want to try in relationships either. Whether it be with my family, friends, my girlfriend, or whatever. I just don't care if there is a chance that I might get hurt, frustrated, or be let down in any way what-so-ever. How terrible is this? That I have gotten so jaded, lazy, and selfish that I won't even make an effort to be a decent human being. What's worse is I am miserable being like this. I don't remember the last time I was just happy, genuinely happy. I don't understand how I can pretend to be ok, and put on this facade that everything is awesome, when in reality I am lonely, and I am lonely because I am to lazy to do anything about it. I guess maybe I am jaded cause I have put my feelings out there just to have them be walked all over. When in reality not everyone is going to do this, but I just put up this wall, so that not even the people that love me can get in. Please don't take this as looking for pity, or attention. I have brought this upon myself. This is just me expressing myself.
"All we are is paralyzed from the face down, we're still alive with our fake smiles, when the cameras away." - D.P.

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