Saturday, December 29, 2007

Just Random Update....

Well its been a while so I figure I should give all my readers just a random update about whats been going on in my life and whats happened this year. A lot of awesome stuff has happened as well as some crappy stuff, but hey that's life.
This year I got back together with Sarah, my longtime girlfriend from high-school. We started hanging out again in February-March and by June we were together again. So I have officially finished my third semester at CBU studying theology. I love it there. I am hoping that the next 5 don't go as fast as these three. I have had a new roommate for the past semester, Paden Burger. A good friend and glad to have him with me, I do miss living with Ryan terribly though. A lot of you know of my love of music. I have been playing bands since 7th grade. I started a band my junior year of high-school with several friends. In March or so The Undiscovered called it quits. It was fun while it lasted by we were just done with playing, Dylan was moving on to play with Moi, and the rest of us were frustrated with each other, and so for the sake of our friendships we were done. Since then I have started another group called Legacy of Betrayal. It is something that I have really been enjoying doing for the past 5-6 months. One of the first times that I have been working with a group of very seasoned musicians and its a nice change. (Not that The Undiscovered guys were bad, cause they weren't.) L.O.B. has our first show January 12th in Redlands at Oasis. I would be honored if you all would come. I have been continuing to work with the middle schoolers at Magnolia Avenue Baptist Church. I love it with all that I am. Sarah has gotten involved as well, and it makes me so proud of her to watch how she connects with her girls. I have gone through three cars this year. Many of you knew and loved "Big Muff" the giant green Astro van that I drove around. It finally died and I got an older than me Jeep Cherokee. I liked it a lot, and it was named "Odeon". It was a rad car. Unfortunately it died several months after my family bought it. After which God has blessed me with an awesome little car that I have not yet named. I got this Kia Rio for 3000 dollars and it only has 30,000 miles on it. Its been a great little car, it is awesome to have a car that isn't falling apart, and have everything (except the cigarette lighter) work. I bought an Xbox 360 this year and so far it has been worth every penny (although it was a lot of pennies). This year I have experienced something that I have never experienced before. Everyone knows that I am super protective of my little sister The Julie Bean, well she has gone and gotten her first boyfriend. I am still getting used to it. He is a good guy, and I am glad it is him rather than some douche bag. But either way it is a little odd, and I worry about her. My grandfathers health has taken a turn for the worst, he seems to be tired all of the time, and he is having kidney issues, so he is a constant source of concern for me, although I know that God is wise, and everything happens for a reason. There has been the highlights of my year. If I remember anything else I will edit this post and tell you all. Hope you all are well. I love you all tons.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

On my to do list

I, as the middle school intern at my church have been put in charge of the Christmas Party. So today I am getting everything together.
I have to:
Get drinks
Get Decorations
Make sure everything is set at the hosts house
Pick up the 6 foot burrito
And welcome all the students
It should be a great time of fellowship asnd getting to connect with the students.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Interesting thoughts...

I am reading a book right now called The Lords of Chaos which is a book about the rise of satanic metal in todays culture. That is not what this blog is about. This blog is about what these type of people think of us. In the book a band called Ulver is interviewed. This is what they have to say about Christianity: "Christianity is but one expression of herd mentality... All this said, I mind in no way attacks on Christianity, but I believe it is killing itself more rapidly than any church burner could ever dream of doing. After all, we live in the end of the second millennium and most people are enlightened to such a degree that they are capable of smelling rotting fish."
What do you think of this? Is he right, is he wrong? I am curious as to what people inside the church think of the church.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Paper's finished.
Test was taken.
Everything worked out, and I am done with school for the week. How amazing is that?

Monday, November 12, 2007

All We Are Is Paralyzed From The Face Down....

As I woke up this morning, I realized how utterly complacent I have become. I never understand why things have to be so hard, and I would rather not try at all, than fail when giving my best. It's like I get this attitude of if there is any possible way for me to fail, then I am not going to do it. It's gotten to the point, where I don't want to try in relationships either. Whether it be with my family, friends, my girlfriend, or whatever. I just don't care if there is a chance that I might get hurt, frustrated, or be let down in any way what-so-ever. How terrible is this? That I have gotten so jaded, lazy, and selfish that I won't even make an effort to be a decent human being. What's worse is I am miserable being like this. I don't remember the last time I was just happy, genuinely happy. I don't understand how I can pretend to be ok, and put on this facade that everything is awesome, when in reality I am lonely, and I am lonely because I am to lazy to do anything about it. I guess maybe I am jaded cause I have put my feelings out there just to have them be walked all over. When in reality not everyone is going to do this, but I just put up this wall, so that not even the people that love me can get in. Please don't take this as looking for pity, or attention. I have brought this upon myself. This is just me expressing myself.
"All we are is paralyzed from the face down, we're still alive with our fake smiles, when the cameras away." - D.P.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I really shouldn't...

I really shouldn't be writing this right now. I have 21-25 pages to write, a book to read, and huge test to study for. Seriously. I really shouldn't being doing this right now. I just am frustrated with it so I don't want to do it. I think that I will go read the book first. Theology class stinks (not really).

Thursday, October 11, 2007

There has GOT to be something in the water....

I feel rather unaccomplished... What did I do today? Well I cut my finger, uh read a book, went to class. Yeah what did Jimmy do? He got married.
I don't even know what to say to that. I feel weird.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Here is some advice...

Do NOT get behind in school work. It sucks catching up. I have the spent the past few days doing nothing but playing catch up. And I have paid the price. Lost many opportunities to hang out with friends, and have lost some serious WOW time. Lame I know. I have read over 300 pages in the past three days. Please do not follow my example. But I am extremely happy to say that I have completely caught up and am ready to begin falling behind again....

Monday, September 10, 2007


Three, no....(Counts on fingers) Four words.

Friday, September 7, 2007


CBU owns Rose Garden Village. It is a retirement community. But there are also college student in it. I live there. On the way to my first class I past by an older persons apartment. The stereo was on and very loud... especially the bass, it was playing what I believed to be Beyonce'. It amused me immensely. Old people listening to Beyonce'.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Holy Phi It's Greek and Biblical Interpretation

Holy suck. I started my first class today. Biblical Interpretation. I am going to die I think. I didn't even understand the syllabus and we have a freaking quiz on it on Friday. (I always think its funny when Prof's do quizzes on syllabi.) Anyways, I opened my Greek flash cards and electronic packet. I am going to have no life this semester save for looking at flash cards, and diagramming sentences for Bib. Int.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

WOW and to many books

I spent most of yesterday restarting my WOW account. I started a new character and started making my way to this:

Today I woke up got dressed and went to the bookstore. This is what I bought:

So never mind on me playing WOW (jk) I won't have time for anything that isn't reading. Yay for the BAT program. Just kidding I love it.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Labor Day Sucks If You Don't Have A Job

Today is Labor Day.
Supposed to be a day of relaxation and rest for the entire work force.
But if you don't have a job that you work on Mondays it kinda sucks. For several reasons.
1) All the stuff that I need to get done before class starts on Wednesday (i.e. Buying books) has to be put off until the day before it all begins. Suck.
2) I am bored out of my skull and I don't know who to call. So bored in fact that I have turned to my old friend World of Warcraft. Yes friends. I have, once again, become a nerd. You may mock me eternally, but I don't care, I am going to enjoy my video games and there is nothing you can do about it.
I moved into the new apartment. Exactly the same as the last one, except for the old person that lived in it before Paden and me must have been a freaking smoker, because it smells like cigarettes. If it would have smelled like cigars, I might not have minded since I kinda like the smell of a nice cigar, but cigarettes smell like crap. Don't smoke kids.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Fans of ATHF Cry in Misery...

Because the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Feature Film for Theaters was absolutely terrible. I understand that the plots for the show are crazy, but this was so stupid the writer had to have been on acid or cocaine or heroine or any combination of the three to come up with this plot. It seriously was the biggest waste of twenty dollars I have ever used. Don't buy it don't rent it don't borrow it from a friend don't even illegally download it.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

A bit of controversial blog I think...

Before I even start this blog and talk about what it is I want to talk about, please understand that I am utterly and completely grateful to our military I thank you all for what you do for this country and it's residents, and this entry is not aimed to insult or demean anything you have done, nor am I going to refer to all military persons, just one certain type of one that I spent a lot of time thinking about today, in particular, and wanted to share my thoughts.
I get slightly irritated with people have a double standard. My meaning behind this is simple, Military personal who think that they some how have more rights and are better people than the rest of us simply because we have not joined the Army, Navy, Air Force or National Guard. They say that they are fighting for our freedom and then try to tell us what to do and take them away from us. A perfect example of this is when I was at a wedding a while ago, so I decided to dress a little nice since that is the thing to do at weddings. So I wore slacks, a button up shirt, and a circa WWII Marines dress jacket that I acquired from a military surplus store. (Not to be disrespectful or anything like that I just like the way it looks.) Not long after I had arrived at the wedding a young man in a tuxedo walked up to me and says "Do me a favor and take off the jacket." I responded not rudely, but not exactly politely I suppose, mostly out of confusion. I said "Why?" He continued to explain to me that it was insulting to him because he was a Marine and I didn't deserve to wear the jacket. I responded in the negative at first, not even really in the negative, but just not really answering, then one of his buddys someone I knew, and is prolly close to a decade younger than me walks up next to him and says "Yeah take it off." This frustrated me even more because he wasn't even old enough to be in the Military, so how could he be insulted by it? I told him "You know what I will be polite since you are in the wedding party and take it off." and he replied with "Just so you know for future reference, it pisses us off." To which I replied "You know what? I really don't care. I am being polite simply because you are in the wedding party but other places I am going to wear what I like whether you like it or not." At which he did not reply but walked away rudely. Later I was talking with the groom and he said "Thank you for taking off the coat, my best man was about to kill you." Now this is what frustrates me. These men and women are fighting for our freedom to do, say, wear, and think what we like, then get upset with us when we do it. To me this almost seems that they are doing it to be in charge more than for them to defend our rights. Once again this is not aimed at all Military, or even close to it just the ones that seem to think they are better than us. I also want to offer my sincere apologies to anyone this might have offended, it was not intended to offend or be rude, but simply spark some thoughts amongst my friends.

Monday, August 6, 2007


Today I bought a cd by a band called Neon Horse. The interesting thing about this band is that no one is taking responsibility for it. The names of the people who recorded it are being withheld. The inside reads Vocals - Norman Horse, Music - Neon Horse. This is an interesting concept to me. This means that they cannot tour, and they just aren't really getting the credit they deserve for recording such a good album... Slightly boggled by all of this....

Friday, August 3, 2007

So I found out....

That it was my brothers fault my association. He flushed a glow stick (you know raver status?) down the toilet and if he hadn't done that then my father wouldn't have been trying to fix the toilet, and thus end up dropping it. So its my brothers fault.


Wonderful way to make up

My Father decided that it would be fun to break the toilet today...
So I woke up to a loud crash and lots of yelling about how "this could have been an easy fix. Darn it!" and other such exclamations. I think it is rather amusing. I am not talking like breaking the floater or the thing that fills it up. No, I am talking about breaking the actual toilet in half. Not by like sitting on it. He was fixing something else and he dropped it. But it still amuses me immensely.
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Hope you enjoy this little picture...

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Good Lord

I thought I was over this business of being sick, but I forgot my medicine yesterday, thus when I went to do some work outside today I started to, once again, feel like absolute crap. The lesson that I have learned from all of this is that I have to finish anti-biotics. Stupid pills. I just have such a hard time remembering to take a pill when I already feel fine.
Last night was pretty cool. We had high school and middle school youth group together last night. I was glad to see that we as a church can get together and still connect, although I would have liked to see more high school middle school inter-mingling. Anyways to my point, about youth group we watched a Nooma video. This one only confirms that my suspicions that Rob Bell is a complete genius. This particular heart throbbing clip was about the Gospel and how each person becomes the Gospel to people that don't know it. While, we don't literally become the Gospel, we do though become examples for the Gospel so in a sense we are the Gospel. One line that really stuck out to me was when he said "Jesus loves you just the way you are and enough to not let you stay that way..."
Think about that....

Tuesday, July 31, 2007


Today I had a meeting with Steve Brown the worship leader of my church because we were talking about me playing for the 11 o'clock contemporary service, which I am doing this week. So I decided to rewire and re-vamp my pedal-board because it has been sounding like crap lately. So I went to the 99 cent store because I can get 2 9V batteries for 99 cents, as opposed to 2 for 6.49 at K*mart. So on the way out I decided that would like some coffee. So I had Starbucks today for the first time in months. Ironic how my former addiction (iced mocha with an extra shot of espresso) cost me exactly 4.20. Ha.
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Ironically also the picture number with my addiction of choice was DSC0420.... 420..... again....

Monday, July 30, 2007


Two words....
It was hilarious....
One of the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. Very political though which was slightly disappointing, but I guess that is The Simpsons in nature... I also love hanging out with old friends that I haven't seen in a long time. Dylan is awesome, it was awesome to see him and play Resident Evil 4. Killing zombies is awesome sauce.

ah yes...

Roller coaster of emotion.....
Saying good-bye to friends leaving...
Arguing so much that I just would like to sleep and not wake up...
Making up and realizing that I am a butt head who needs to get over himself...
Seeing old friends to talk about life and watch a ridiculous movie about a yellow family saving a town....
Hearing about seeing Bob Dylan....
Wishing that this prescription of little red pills would run out when I realize that I have only been on it for 41/2 days, with 25 1/2 to go....
Getting a new car....
Getting frustrated with new car because I cannot for life of me drive a stick shift....
Realizing that I'll need to do is practice with said stick shift for a while before I have it down just like driving an automatic....
Realizing that last night I missed August Burns Red at the Showcase....
Again realizing that The Warriors played last night and I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the Krews anyways....
Realizing how stupid scene kids can be....
Realizing how stereotypes can really ruin peoples view of others...
Realizing that I am hypocrite for labeling people when I hate when people label me...
Realizing that I haven't cracked my Bible for over a week....

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Life lately

Life lately has been insane. God has been teaching me so much through people and on my own. For those of you who know me I have been the intern for Magnolia Ave. middle school department for almost a year. It's been really great. I love it, and last week I took them to camp all on my own (besides the other two counselors) for the first time. Lucas is out of town on missions so I was the head-honcho for this little excursion into the San Bernardino Mountains. On the first day everything was peachy, but second day in things got a little rocky. I was totally shocked and surprised at the fact that two girls who came with us and seemed to be having a good time decided that they wanted to go home over a major misunderstanding. A very seriously huge misunderstanding. I was really bummed because one of them was of the Muslim faith and was totally enjoying her stay at our camp. So I totally am bummed that she went home early, but God has his hand in it somewhere. I know that God has a plan, but I was hoping that she would be moved toward the saving grace of the Gospel but instead it seems that only some seeds were planted, although she did say some things that were encouraging, such as "I have really opened my eyes towards things, and I am interested in studying the Christian faith." so that was great, but still discouraging that she went home.
But over all camp was good, and I walked away with some great experiences that I learned from and will be able to really apply in my life and future ministry.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Fears and Promises...

A lot has been happening in my life lately. Last summer, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to completely and totally mess up my life. I did a lot of things that I regret and wish that had never happened. I lost a lot of friends. I lost someone even more important to me than that, and whats worse is I was the one who pushed her away. it took three months to undo a lifetime of work to get where I was at spiritually, emotionally, and relationally. Around August, September, I realized how messed up my life was, and I really have been trying to fix things since then. Things have slowly but surely gotten better. I am now at the point where I was at a year ago. I am working the same habits and the same problems I was a year ago, and I cannot help but be discouraged.
I know that God has forgiven me for what I did, but I am having a hard time understanding why or how he could, and thus am having a hard time accepting it. I wish that I could erase last summer from my life, I screwed so many things up and so many people over. These people have forgiven me, but I don't know how. I thank God for these people. These people would be My parents, my sister, my brother, Sarah, Lynnea, and anyone else that I was a role model for, or they just admired my faith. I let them all down. I hate that I did, but its in the past and that is all I can do, is seek reconciliation. I love these people, and it was a lack of love for these people that caused my problems.
This is what happens when you get selfish. You break your parents trust. You lose your little siblings admiration. You break your true loves heart. And you lose your friends. Let me ask you, is it worth it? Is it worth it for us to continue in our selfish ways and get what we want? Because I tell you now, from experience, it was the stupidest most ignorant thing I have ever done, to decide that what I want and desire is more important than everyone else's needs. If the me from today met the me from then I would slap him and tell him that he needs to get his head on straight and realize what he is doing. Maybe people tried to do that, and I didn't listen. I don't know. I have a feeling it wouldn't have done any good anyways. That would have made me want to do what I wanted to do even more.
I see God's hand in it now though. I have grown in ways that I would not have grown if I had not experienced those things. I have such a greater appreciation and love for the Gospel and what it means to me. Matthew Theissen put it best though when he said "Who I am hates who I have been." I think about all the ways that I messed up and it makes feel like throwing up. I get this gut feeling like, if a guy I knew did those things that I did to Sarah, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy that did what I did to to my sister, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy that betrayed his parents the way I did, I would punch him in the gut. If I knew a guy like I was, I would hate him. I deserve nothing more than to be hated and despised, because that is nothing more than what I did. I spit upon the people who loved me the most. I feel so dirty...
I know that they forgive me and that is more than I can ever ask for. I know that they are there with open arms, but I hesitate, almost because I am afraid that I will turn around and hurt them again. I couldn't put them through that. It wouldn't be fair. It wasn't fair the first time. It would be even less the second time.
Father, help me to realize your forgiveness. Help me to realize their forgiveness and move on to never make that mistake again.......

Monday, February 19, 2007

Thoughts of Late...

Lately I have been thinking about my passions. My passion for people, my passion for learning new ideas, my passion for hearing my Savior, and mostly about my passion for music. God has blessed me with some amazing talents and passions in the area of music. I would love nothing more than to pursue my passions and talents and make a career out of making music, but my Lord has something else in mind. He has called me to something higher. He has called me to a life of ministry. This is my struggle. I don't understand how God can give me these talents and passions and then want me to only give them up. He has asked me to give up what I love most in this world for what serves His purpose. And right now He is having to drag me kicking and screaming. Why can't I sacrifice what He asks me too. I am so weak. All I want to do is what I want to do, not what God wants. Why am I so simplistic? Why can I not see the bigger picture and let go of something that in the long run will benefit me nothing. This notion's got it's claws in me and is refusing to let go. How do I kill my desire for the greater good is the question that I cannot answer.

Sunday, February 4, 2007

No Reason...

I watched an interesting movie today. "The Road Peredition", it was quite good. It was about a kid who's father, from what I could really gather, was a mob hitman. In the movie the kid sneaks into his fathers car and sees him kill several men. Then one of the mobmen figure out that he was there, and tries to kill the entire family. He succeeds in killing the mother and the younger brother, but not the father or the main character. The rest of the movie is the father and his son trying to find the killer. They end up robbing several banks, and killing several people that got in the way. In the end, the father killed the mob boss, who was hiding the man who killed the family, and the man who killed his family. They then make it to Peredition, where the sister of the mother lives. There another hitman, who has been chasing them through the entire movie shoots the father and comes after the son. It ends up that the father wasn't quite dead, and killed the hitman, leaving the son by himself. It kind of leaves me at a point where I wish I had more information. What happened to the son? I know the father dies. But why did it have to end like that? Why couldn't they all die? I would have had alot more closure that way. Stupid. But then I came to the conclusion that I didn't write this movie, and this is the story that the writer wanted to tell. It begged alot of questions I suppose. Why do we feel that we must get revenge for anything and everything that goes wrong and is caused by someone? Secondly, it made me think about the way our lives our. God has written a story for our lives. We make not like it, but He has our best interests in mind. Why are we so resistant to things that are hard? Do we not trust our heavenly Father enough to know that no matter what we go through He will bring us through, whether that be death so that we are with Him in heaven for the rest of eternity, or keep us here to keep toiling through every day we have. How many times, have I taken His grace for granted? How many times have I lost hope in His divine plan? Have I no faith at all? God forgive me.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Split Veil...

Today I finished all of my classes, and drove out to San Bernardino to Guitar Center. There Ryan and I met the rest of Split Veil. We then bought a firwire interface and a pop filter. We then drove to Kyle, the drummers house laid wire and got ready to record. We then talked about what exactly we wanted to do. This is my first time producing a record. I am so uberly stoked about starting tomorrow. We have exited the pre-production state, and tomorrow at 9 A.M. we will begin laying down drum tracks for two songs. This will be such a great experience. I am doing this record for free but they bought me the interface, so next time I will be able to get paid. This is something that I am totally excited about, because I am not in a band that is really going anywhere right now. Don't get me wrong I love playing with The Undiscovered, but at the time being we are just practicing alot, and have a few shows lined up, but still we are not making alot of money. So making some money with the skills and talents that God has blessed me with is something that I am so thankful for. I thank God for my talents, and now I have an even better way to use it for His glory. I hope you guys are all doing well. I love you all.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Consider the Ravens....

Well I've got bills to pay and taxmen on my tail. I just keep praying that the check's in the mail. And there are time it seems that everything's lost. When I'm blown and I'm tossed, but then I see, between the river and the ravens I'm fed. Between oblivion and blazes I'm led. So Father give me faith in providence and grace. Between the river and the ravens I'm fed. Oh sweet deliverer you lift up my head, and lead me in your way. Well I've grown sick and tired of trying to stand still. I've learned to let the wind blow me where it will, to throw myself into the wall of the wave. How can we ever be brave until we are free? And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and evil's all around. It's coming from the right and the left, I trust that I will see your glory above. Oh your banner of love, flies over me.
-D. Kensrue

Why can I not be faithful? I have so many worries, so much burden, but I try so hard to carry it all on my own, even though I know that my Lord has offered on more than one occasion to help me with my load. I hate myself. Which in and of itself is something that I need to work on. I really do though. I know that I am good at things. Self-esteem is not an issue for me. It's more of a pride thing. I cannot let my savior help me with anything until it gets to the point where I collapse under its weight. I am at that point again. Why can I not get up in the morning and rely on him until I lay my head down to sleep again. He has proved to me time and time and time and time again that He is the only ever-faithful one. I can rely on him always. But when things aren't that bad I say "That's alright Lord, I can handle things on my own right now. I'll call you when I need you." As a good friend has always said "heart-break is necessary" to learn from our mistakes otherwise we will learn nothing from our mistakes. I am going to experience heartbreak. I am experiencing heartbreak. It's my own fault and my fault alone. My Lord will help me, again. But I need to learn so badly to rely on Him for the small things as well as the things that life altering. He provides for me so much and I take it all for granted. I hate who I have become over the past year. Satan has figured out how to hit me where it counts and make me stumble. I am finally seeing that. I am finally seeing things that I knew a long time ago, but lost sight of. Why does it take me falling under the weight of my own foolishness for me to learn?

Lord, forgive me.