I did not write this. But it captured the way I feel and think so well. It also formulated the way I feel into words. Something that normally comes fairly easy, but on this topic I have had a rough time. Thanks to Justine.
"Anyone else not really in the hype of Christmas this year
I thought I was...
and then it didn't really happen.
The traditional stuff I mean.
Well at least at home.
We don't have lights or decorations, the family has been having little tiffs all day... we don't even have a tree.
Ridiculous for a Christmas in the lovely commercialized southern california.
But today me and my cousin read the christmas story before we opened presents.
As asked by my cousins dad... my uncle...
both of whom have only recently become Christians.
Whom I had been praying for for six years.
i failed again.
I let the spirit create an anticipation in me for a spectacular day full of color and life.
And in the expectation let the very life run dry in my heart.
The life that Is the very reason we even give such meaning to this day.
Expectation is a wonderful thing, dangerous as well...
because it leads to dissapointment.
for when it is for something...
Adn overflowing with what they have to give.
Never ending in fact.
With what every single one of us longs for (whther we admit it or not, i don't care)
Expectantly now... broken in my spirit and energy that the "season" could not bring.
“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by You, says the Lord.” Jeremiah 29:12-14a
I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10
Immanuel... God with us.
We have acess to the joy that comes from the creator... not the thrill of unwrapping presents but that deep, unbreakable, perserverant joy... that lasts for all eternity.
Pretty much the best present I could ever ask for...
Becuase It's the only thing that I would never be able to live without.
From the only One that gives me life